Thursday, February 08, 2007

More Writing Samples

The Beginning

From where I am sitting, I can see Paula playing outside on the driveway. It’s 5:24 PM on Sunday afternoon, and I am finding it really hard to begin writing. Isabel is wandering around the house with a sippy cup in her hand and a pacifier in her mouth. Gabe is watching an inane movie on cable TV. It’s a nice, lazy, run of the mill afternoon.

The only thing throwing a damper in this idyllic scene is that this morning I was immersed in one of my intense anger episodes. Or, as Gabe graciously put it, I was being a little monster. “Little” is his way of softening the blow. The truth is I was a gynormous monster. Or, as someone else would say, I was being a total bitch.

But now I am in much better spirits. Why, you ask? I am excited because I have found an outlet. I will spend the month of November writing, attempting to write a 50,000-word novel. I wish I could say that it was my original idea, but it is not. It’s nothing new either. Apparently this national initiative has been going on for a few years. A friend mentioned it on one of my Mommy Boards, and now I am hooked. I am scared and thrilled at the same time.

If I am going to make it to the end of this challenge, I will have to write approximately 1,667 words daily. I did not find out about this until today, so I have some catching up to do. Today is November 5, 2006.

[…]

Well, so much for the infinite bliss. I can’t come up with anything to write about! What the hell am I going to do??

There is something very particular about myself as a writer. I have to be either pissed off to no end, or extremely depressed. I was happy because I had enrolled in this writing challenge, and my happiness equals zero output. I sit here contentedly in front of the computer, the white of the blank page burning my retina.

I guess in order to write, I am going to have to pick a fight with Gabe, or break-out my gloom and doom music CD’s. I hate to be a downer, but if I want to be a prolific writer, I am going to have to be a royal bitch.

Bitching away

I am about as edgy as a butter knife. Has it always been this way? Have I gotten complacent with age?

There was a time when I was a bit more uncompromising than I am now. Have I been spoon-fed crap for so long that I can’t distinguish the good from sheer mediocrity? Do I settle too easily?

And what the hell has brought on this whole meditation on my approach to life? I watched a movie last night. It wasn’t a masterpiece, but I connected to it on an emotional level, so I liked it. I check movie reviews today and it’s been panned. So I start to wonder if my crap radar has been ruined. I thought I had more sophisticated taste. I thought I was Miss Intellectual, Miss Anti-Establishment Extraordinaire. Well, it turns out I am a 38 year-old married mother of two who lives in the suburbs in Texas and drives her daughter to volleyball practice in an SUV.

The Quiet

Sometimes I can’t sleep at night. I wake up, look at my sweet baby sleeping, I look at my husband, also sleeping (and snoring), and I wonder how the hell I got here.

Great, I am living a Talking Heads song.

1 comment:

  1. I am about as edgy as a butter knife. Has it always been this way? Have I gotten complacent with age?

    There was a time when I was a bit more uncompromising than I am now. Have I been spoon-fed crap for so long that I can’t distinguish the good from sheer mediocrity? Do I settle too easily?

    And what the hell has brought on this whole meditation on my approach to life? I watched a movie last night. It wasn’t a masterpiece, but I connected to it on an emotional level, so I liked it. I check movie reviews today and it’s been panned. So I start to wonder if my crap radar has been ruined. I thought I had more sophisticated taste. I thought I was Miss Intellectual, Miss Anti-Establishment Extraordinaire. Well, it turns out I am a 38 year-old married mother of two who lives in the suburbs in Texas and drives her daughter to volleyball practice in an SUV.


    That was one of the most brilliant passages I've read in a long time.

    Also, I connected with it more than I can say.

    And you may ask yourself
    Am I right?...Am I wrong?
    And you may tell yourself
    MY GOD!...WHAT HAVE I DONE?

    ReplyDelete