What's my skill?

Lately I have been feeling precarious. This is not to be confused with my "mostly hormonal blues" of the past few days. Once the veil of doom is pulled back, I still feel like my footing is unsure. Part of this is related to work. My post is evolving. But more than work, the blogging world has brought about this feeling. The more blogs I discover, the more I read, the more relationships I build, in short the more I venture into this world, the more I feel like I don't have a freaking clue.

Please understand this is not a poor me statement. I have no reason to feel sorry for myself. Nor am I fishing for sympathy. I am writing to make sense of this feeling, the equivalent of thinking out loud. This is not a a bad thing, especially since it's been brought about by an increase in exposure to people, ideas, opinions and information that I would not normally encounter in the safe bubble of my everyday life. It is not too different from how I first felt when I started college a long time ago. Only this time it feels less like a small-town kid visiting Times Square, more like waking up from a too-long nap on a hot afternoon.

The most unlikely sources trigger reflection. A children's movie, one I have seen countless times, for example. I find myself wondering what exactly is it that I am good at and what should I do with my blog. While I am definitely nowhere near being "popular" on the Web, I have more readers now than when I started blogging. I think about this audience, especially the ones that pay me return visits. Why do they come? I know that my Mommy Board friends come because they want to know what's going on with my life and my kids. We share a bond much deeper than this blog. But what about the others? Why do they come back? Do they like what they read here or come because I also visit them?

The never ending stream of questions inside my head goes on. What is my place under the sun? What is my voice? What is this hodgepodge page I keep? Should I focus this blog on my life as a parent? Should I stick to keeping a journal of my mood swings? Should I only talk about what it means to be a Puerto Rican far from the island, married to an American? Why am I blogging in English, by the way? Should I strive for a bilingual blog? Should I talk about work? Should I just dedicate it to posting the pictures I take? Am I as good of a writer as I think I am? Am I getting too old to grow up, trapped in platitudes?

Such are the questions unanswered. There are two things of which I am quite sure, though:

• What I post is my truth alone. I don't want to impose my views on anybody and have no intention of hurting anyone's feelings.
• I love to read other people's blogs, and I like to have readers. It invigorates me to be able to have contact with people far removed from my everyday life and circumstance.