Saturday, September 01, 2007

Sunday scribblings - The end




The beginning of the end came the day he told me not to measure him by my standards, that he did not give a shit about money. I replied that it was easy to say that when he had my salary to fall back on. Something finally snapped that day.

The week after he moved out our 7 month old daughter fell sick. We were in the ER with her when he told me that he wasn't coming back. Ever. That night I drove home from the hospital screaming at the top of my lungs, the agony of the break up mixing with the sadness and fears of a mother who just had her daughter admitted to the hospital.

The real ending, at least for me, came after we briefly flirted with the idea of getting back together. We took a day trip with the baby. We met for dinner one night. Another day we met at La Playita at dusk for a drink, but the nice bar by the beach did nothing to erase the feeling that something was off.

The next day he came to have lunch with me at work, and I could not help but notice that he did not seem too excited to be there. That was sobering. I finally asked him if he was sure he really wanted a reconciliation, because it felt to me like he was not. He admitted he wasn't sure he wanted to get back together. "Then", I said, "you must let me be." I felt sad that day, but a weight had been lifted. No more fantasizing, no more denying what was plain for all to see. It was over.

14 comments:

  1. Wonderful "Sunday Scribblings" contribution, Ingrid! How well I know about that kind of endings, having been thru three of them. The point where you realize that no matter how hard you tried, or are willing to try, it is irretrievably over, is incredibly painful. The feeling of aloneness at that moment is overwhelming. You wrote it well!

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  2. Sometimes you just know when something is over and you have to let it go.

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  3. endings.. especially in very heated emotional relationships seem for some reason to be braned on us forever.... in march of this year, i found out,, that my one true love,, was dead,,,and had been for just over three years... no one ever told me... i had no clue... i wrote for weeks about nothing but him.. and i can still hear him say,, as we parted for the last time... with that sly sexy smile of his,, as he turned to go...

    "watch me..."

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  4. Ingrid... I can only imagine what that was like. To go through a break-up at a time when you have a baby fall so ill they have to hospitalized. You are one helluva strong woman.

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  5. If only, to do were as easy as to preach, I can't say much, except, that you are very strong, I wish I had half that strength in me.well written.

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  6. Ana, at the time I did not feel strong at all. I felt tired. I just wanted to move on and stop the suffering.

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  7. It is so painful when a relationship ends. Something snaps. But we have to move on.

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  8. Good for you Ingrid! It's really hard to let go especially with a baby. I've been in a dragged out divorce with two girls...not pretty.

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  9. I'm glad that you found a way to finally accept things, after so much painful struggling

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  10. Isn't that the truth? When you finally make that realization it isn't passionate, it's quiet and filled with grief. Sounds like the man wanted drama.

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  11. ren.kat, I think he was not looking for drama as much as he was doing what he thought was the right thing for his kid. It clearly was not, as he did not truly want to be with me and would only have made me (and himself) more miserable had we gotten back together.

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  12. For me, the beginning of the end was one week before Christmas when I asked him, "Don't you love me?" and he said, "No." But, I also recognize the relief when we're finally able to let it go.

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  13. An excellent post with that prompt. I'm sure it was brutal, but you've told it so well.

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  14. You did good! Congrats for getting through it and on to happier things. Change only comes to those that strive for it.

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