Friday, April 18, 2008

Blog post fragments

Quite often I start posts and never finish them. Periodically I go through the list of my posts on Blogger and purge these out. Once in a Blue Moon I finish a draft, but most of the time I have already moved on and lost interest.

The last few unfinished posts intrigue me somewhat. Make what you will of them.

Date: 3/27/2008
Title: Rambling

Sometimes I wonder if this is what a midlife crisis feels like.

Lately I find myself going through the motions, living day after day after fucking interminable day, the monotony of it all slowly killing me on the inside while a poor diet makes my outside swell like a balloon. I hate my life sometimes. Having my family by my side does not mitigate the ennui. Sometimes they annoy the hell out of me. The girls and their drama queen fits drain me. My husband, who is generous and supportive but also a knucklehead, also annoys me.

At least I am not alone. If I had no one else things would probably be worse.

I am bored, I am restless, I am angry. So very angry. I am sick and tired of walking on eggshells, of putting up with the fucking politics of people who love to spend their time pointing fingers and engaging in pointless analysis. I hate being proper, docile and subservient so I can get a fucking paycheck.

I wish I could speak my mind with no concern over consequences. I wish I could tell my employer (the company, not my actual boss) to go fuck itself. I hate that I have to exhibit a positive attitude at work, be a team player and all that crap, while having absolutely no guarantee at all that my performance and dedication will help me keep my job. At any moment I can be laid off in one of the perpetual cost optimization moves that my company engages in. At any time some brain dead jerk with an eye on the balance sheet may decide that someone in India or Central America can do my job for a fraction of the cost. And then it's bye-bye, we no longer need you, thank you for letting us suck you dry for eleven years.

The same week I wrote this, my 11-year anniversary at Big Computer came and went without any acknowledgment whatsoever on the part of the company. At least I still have a job.

Date: 3/31/2008
Title: Okay Monday

It was a busy day today, in a good way. It's been a while since I have felt good at work, so it was a nice change. I can't really pinpoint why today was different, it just was.

I had an early appointment for an eye exam. Just as I suspected, I need reading glasses now. I am getting old. Oh, well.

Date: 4/3/2008
Title: My life, or something like it:

Date: 4/4/2008
Title: “I’m not sure”

Today's Fiction Friday challenge is:
Describe a time your character gave up; and how it affected them for the rest of their life.

That pretty much sums it up, doesn't it?

1 comment:

  1. Qué bueno que publicaste esos fragmentos. Estupendos. Me gusta mucho la forma en que te expresas. Sigue adelante!

    Un abrazo,