Friday, May 30, 2008

In all likelihood- a story

Alice arrives at a bar, where she is expecting to meet Drake for the first time. They have been communicating online for about a month. It started innocently enough, with Drake replying to her personal ad. As the weeks passed by, they graduated from e-mail to IM. They chat all the time, but have never spoken on the phone. Drake is ambitious and driven, but a little shallow; not the kind of guy she usually likes. Still, he makes her feel sexy.

She has lied about her looks; she's not really a petite blonde with size double D breasts. The photo on her profile is a fake. He will not be able to spot her in the crowded bar. That gives her some security and the chance to see him first and decide if she really wants to meet. If he looks like a creep/psycho stalker, she'll hightail it out of there. She worries a little about his reaction when he finally sees her. Will he be disappointed or mad? Will he like her? Will he think she's too fat?

Dan is sitting at the bar waiting to meet Ambrosia for the first time. He is crazy about this girl, literally gaga. After a month chatting, they have finally scheduled a meeting face to face, and he can't wait to meet her sweet hotness. Their chats have progressively gotten hotter and raunchier, and he is hoping that they will enact some of the sex scenarios they have been chatting about.

As much as he is wildly enthusiastic about meeting Ambrosia, Dan is afraid she'll blow him off because he has exaggerated a few things about his physical appearance. He doesn't really have a wide chest and hard-rock, six-pack abs; in fact, he's got a bit of a beer belly. At least he does not have man boobs, and he still has all his hair. She's gotta go for that, right? And while he does not drive a Porsche, he hopes she finds his Prius sexy. Gotta save the environment.

Ambrosia will be carrying a red rose, so Dan scans the crowd on the lookout for the telltale sign. He had said he would be wearing a red shirt, and at the time he meant it. But he figured he wanted to check her out first, in case she turned out to be a dog.

Alice sits at the bar right beside Dan. She catches a glimpse of him out of the corner of her eye. He's not at all bad looking. She orders a drink and settles into her stool. The TV behind the bar is showing a Battlestar Galactica rerun. Weird. Bartender must be a sci-fi geek. Where’s Drake?

Dan takes notice of the newcomer. She's kinda cute. He says hi, asks her if she likes Galactica. Turns out she is a fan. Cool. If Ambrosia doesn't show up, he might have someone to talk to and share a beer with. Where is Ambrosia, by the way? Has she changed her mind about meeting him?

After thirty minutes, both Alice and Dan get bored and tired of waiting for their respective dates, so they strike up a conversation at the bar and Dan buys a round of drinks. He asks if she comes here often. They tell each other about their jobs, their hobbies and where they went to school. They talk about their favorite bands. Both lie about their reasons for being there; each finds it embarrassing to admit they are meeting someone from the personals.

Alice realizes she likes this guy a lot. Sure, he’s no hot stud like Drake; but he might end up being something much better. Not only is he cute, he's intelligent, funny, and doesn't take himself too seriously. She has blushed a few times as his eyes held her gaze a little longer than expected. In turn, Dan finds himself wondering what Alice looks like naked. He is fascinated by her. She has a beautiful smile, she is smart, likes beer and sci-fi. What's not to like? He can see himself bringing her breakfast in bed in the morning.

Once it was plainly obvious that they have hit it off, Alice feels bold enough to tell Dan the real reason why she is at the bar. As she does, his jaw drops open. Not a good sign, he must think I am a loser. She braces for the inevitable brush-off.

Dan is dumbfounded. It has dawned on him that this girl is his date, and she is every bit as much of a liar as he is. The absurdity of it all hits him full blast, and try as he might he can't control his laughter.

Alice is puzzled at first, then angry. What the frak is so funny? What a jerk. She should have known better than to trust a man she met at a bar. She gets up and turns to leave; but Dan grabs her by the arm. She turns around to slap him when all of a sudden he says: "Nice to meet you, Ambrosia." The color drains from her cheeks as she stands there, a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar. So this is all a game to him. What a bastard; he's known all along and he's been baiting her, mocking her. Alice is mortified. If only the earth could open right then and there and swallow her. Oh God, just kill me now.

But Dan has stopped laughing. He holds her hand. He apologizes profusely for laughing; it's a nervous reaction, he says. A stupid guy thing. He's very sorry about that, and would she do him the honor of having coffee with him? After all, despite lying about everything, they still managed to find each other in a crowded bar. That's got to count for something, right?

She looks him in the eye; he holds her gaze, standing her scrutiny until she’s satisfied. "Sure Drake", she says. "I'll have coffee with you, if you drive me there in your nice red Porsche." "Sorry, I drive a Prius," he replies, smiling sheepishly. "Oh well," she says. "I'm not a blonde either. Let's go."


  1. ingrid... that was charming.. i loved it.. i wanna see more fiction.. you did a gret job with this really... live someone else's fantasy,, even if only for a few paragraphs... hell yeah.. this was great....

  2. Grrherhahahahahha! I'd bet something similar in real-life occurs on a daily basis.

    Wonder if the opposite ever occurs? A really hot rich babe tired of guys dating her only for her looks/money decides to post a BAD picture and to be poor? Or if rich good looking guys ever do that?

    That'd be a good story too. You write well, btw.

  3. Disfruté mucho tu historia. Moderna y realista, por cierto.



  4. Yanno...I have no doubt in my mind that this wonderful piece of fiction occurs on a daily basis.

    Well done!

    *thrilled* to see you writing again.

  5. Thank you all for the comments. I enjoyed writing this. The original version dates back to 2003, when I was doing online dating. I had lost the file when my old computer died, but Gabe got somebody to salvage the data.

    So last Friday I was browsing through the restored files and found the story. I rewrote a few sentences, changed some things here and there, added a couple of lines and deleted a few others. I am happy with the result.

  6. I am a FAN! you are lucky Gabe was able to recover writing files. I would FREAK out if I lost anything I wrote.