Thursday, July 03, 2008

... and as easy as it comes, it goes.

Imagine you are a snowglobe. Now imagine someone grabs you and gives you a soft shake. All of a sudden thoughts and feelings shoot off in different directions, and you are unable to tell where they are going or to rein them in.

Imagine you are forced to walk all day wearing a veil over your face, completeley covered, so that your perception of the world is skewed by the gauzy material covering your eyes.

Yesterday I was in great spirits. This morning I was OK until I experienced the first stirrings of a dark mood coming. I am not in a dark mood yet, mind you. But it was strange, to be able to pinpoint the precise moment when a feeling of dread or uncertainty clouds your mind, unexpectedly and momentarily. It happened at 9:13 AM, and now I feel as if I have gotten out of the ocean. I am waiting to dry out, with the salt sticking to my skin.

I am still OK. I am not despairing just yet. This is just an attempt at recording this morning's occurrence in the best way I can express it. I keep a separate log of the physical symptoms and the hormonal cycle. I am reporting the emotional manifestations here.

1 comment:

  1. Yes, this sounds very familiar. I'm glad you're keeping track of this, it can help you track down the triggers.

    Sometimes the trigger is hormonal, sometimes it just hearing a particular word and realizing that you are deeply homesick...

    The reasons seem endless at first until they start to boil down to specific issues. This makes the job of dealing with it a lot easier.