It's one of those days. I am working from home, and in between phone calls, spreadsheets and frenzied e-mails, I lean back on my couch and wonder is this it?
That question always comes bundled with a sense of emptiness. Sometimes I wonder if I am truly seeking something that will fulfill me, or if I am just plain bored.
I live a perfectly ordinary life. I get up and have coffee. I take my kids to school and daycare. Sometimes I make breakfast for my husband; often he feeds himself. I pack our lunches. I take a shower, get dressed. I drive to work and park in the same area every day (so I don't forget where I am). I work. After work, I get my kids and drive home. We bicker. I make dinner. We all eat. We bicker once more. I sit at the computer for a while. Or I watch TV. I put my kids to bed and I fall asleep myself. Sometimes my husband is home in time for dinner.
My job is OK. I am not changing the world, though. And I often wonder how it would feel to do something that has a direct positive impact on the well-being of others. Not long ago I tried volunteering as a translator for a couple of non-profit organizations, and due to time constraints it did not work out. I feel bad about that. I want to contribute, I want to make my mark. But I am always so tired, and I feel like life is running through my fingers.