Thursday, October 30, 2008

Pressure cooker

I have always believed I do my best work under pressure, that looming deadlines make me soar.

I see now that is bullshit.

I have spent the last week under a tremendous amount of stress. I have a deadline. I have to produce something. I have the raw materials. I am struggling to put the pieces together. I keep procrastinating. I feel confused and lost, in over my head. Up shit creek without a paddle.

My whole life has been turned upside down lately. I have not gone to the gym. I have been eating too much and eating stuff that is not good for me. I have not measured my blood sugar in days. The house is even messier than it normally is. I am cranky and moody, more than usual. I am in avoidance mode. This will continue until the deadline is here and I deliver what is expected of me.

This is not soaring or working my best. This is agony. I hate it. I want it over.


  1. Yeah, anyone who says something like deadlines motivate them is a procrastinator in denial. They usually keep saying it so they believe it themselves and wait until the last possible moment to do things.

    It won't go away by itself, you need to make a schedule and stick to it, even though every cell in your body will rebel. It's like someone trying to exercise or something. Their body will rebel and make them itch to distract them. Or they'll have to go to the bathroom. You body will do some amazing stuff to avoid doing what it isn't used to.

    All you can do is refuse to scratch the itch or hold it till you are done. Don't let your evil self win. Eventually you'll break it if you hold out. Set a schedule and let people who might interrupt know it. Then don't allow yourself to do anything else during that scheduled time, even and especially if you can't get going and end up just staring at the wall.

    Don't ever let yourself convince you that since you can't think of anything to do or since you can't make progress, then you'll do something else "to unwind" or some BS like that, and then come back to it later. Or trick yourself into thinking that you can miss today and just work twice as hard/long tomorrow.

    Schedule then do. Simplest thing to figure out, hardest thing to do.

  2. Aw. I am sorry that you are dealing with this. I cant with deadlines and projects and all that jazz.

    I wish I had words of advice, but seems as if that's already been dished out.

    All I can send is a virtual hug.


  3. Boy is it hard, Greg! I know you are right. Lately I have even started to set blocks of time aside on my work calendar (Outlook) so I can work and people don't fill it up with stupid meetings. However, I still struggle to respect my own boundaries. I get distracted and look for other stuff to do. Answering e-mails is a major issue.

  4. Thanks for the virtual hugs, Meleah. I appreciate them.

  5. Oh no. Sounds just like me when I'm doing my taxes. :(

    More hugs from me too.