I have always believed I do my best work under pressure, that looming deadlines make me soar.
I see now that is bullshit.
I have spent the last week under a tremendous amount of stress. I have a deadline. I have to produce something. I have the raw materials. I am struggling to put the pieces together. I keep procrastinating. I feel confused and lost, in over my head. Up shit creek without a paddle.
My whole life has been turned upside down lately. I have not gone to the gym. I have been eating too much and eating stuff that is not good for me. I have not measured my blood sugar in days. The house is even messier than it normally is. I am cranky and moody, more than usual. I am in avoidance mode. This will continue until the deadline is here and I deliver what is expected of me.
This is not soaring or working my best. This is agony. I hate it. I want it over.