Saturday, December 19, 2009


Paula liked the pumpkin pie. Gabe has not tried it yet. I had some and it's alright, but I have made better pies in the past. I think the pastry was too thick and I may have added too much brown sugar to it. It just wasn't flaky enough. Next time I will add less sugar and I will make sure I roll the pastry very thin before putting it on the dish.

Isabel is watching TV in the living room. Paula is reading in her bedroom. I am not feeling well. I have had a persistent headache since yesterday and my stomach is queasy. So I am taking it easy, reveling in the fact that for the next two weeks there are no deadlines or demands from the office.

Friday, December 18, 2009


I baked a pie last night. I was restless and sad, and I felt an urge to make something concrete with my hands, to show that I can create something that exists in the world outside the computer screen, beyond the spreadsheet.

I had a small pumpkin that I bought around Halloween. I cleaned it and cut it, then baked it. Once it was ready I scooped the flesh off the skin and pureed it in a glass bowl. In another bowl I mixed 1 cup of flour, 1 stick of butter, a pinch of salt and a little brown sugar, enough to give the pastry a sweet taste. After rolling the pastry dough and putting it into a pie dish, I combined two cups of the pumpkin puree with a can of condensed milk and two eggs, and poured the mix onto the dish. Into the oven it went. Once it was ready I let it cool down at room temperature and showed it to my oldest daughter before covering it and sticking in the refrigerator.

I would have eaten a slide of pie already, but I have not been feeling well today. All day I have been afflicted by a splitting headache, and that has made my stomach upset too. When Gabe and Paula come home I will serve them some and try a bite, although there are times when I don't want to try the final product of my cooking efforts for fear it will not taste as good as it tastes in my mind. Last week I made a cream of mushroom soup from scratch for the first time, with butter, onions, chicken broth, heavy whipping cream and wine. I was afraid it would be bad, but it turned out wonderfully. Hopefully the pie will also be a success.

You are a valued member...

This has been a week of disappointment. I feel used, invisible. A victim of politics. Tired. Naive and jaded at the same time. Is such a thing possible?

I will never be as important to anybody else as I am to my family. I should pay them back in kind, yet I am not the best person I can be with them. I am short on patience and long on snark. I am cranky, irascible. I let stress get the best of me when I am with them, or I am always too tired to give much of me. I am not a fun person around them. Yet they love me, while the big blue monster squeezes me dry without care or concern.

Friday, December 04, 2009

Chance of snow

The weather forecast for today says:

Winter Storm Warning in effect from 10 am this morning to 8 PM CST this evening...
Freeze warning in effect from noon today to 9 am CST Saturday...

A chance of snow early in the morning. Rain likely in the morning. Snow in the late morning and afternoon. Snow accumulation of 1 to 3 inches. Colder. Highs 42 to 44 this morning with temperatures falling into the upper 30s by noon then steady or slowly falling in the afternoon. North winds 10 to 20 mph. Chance of precipitation 60 percent in the morning increasing to near 100 percent in the afternoon.

Yikes! SNOW, f-ing snow! Gabe and the girls are excited, I am dreading it.