Every time the phone rings and my caller ID says it's my doctor's office, I cringe a little.
I had a mammogram on Wednesday. Because it is my first, and they are trying to establish a baseline, I was warned that I may get called back for more images or different tests, but that it does not necessarily mean they have found something wrong.
So when I got the call yesterday afternoon, I was calm and collected. I understood. But shortly after I hung up, fear and worry started to creep up.
"Abnormal densities" is not a phrase you want to hear uttered in reference to your breasts.
So now I have two more tests I have to make, an ultrasound and something about spot compression.
I called my mom almost in tears. She told me not to worry, that sometimes if your breast tissue is dense it makes it hard for them to search for possible cancer, so they like to do more tests to understand what is there. She had to do this years ago, because she was told one of her breasts was dense. And it wasn't even the one where she ended up developing cancer. She reassured me everything will be alright. But will it? Am I worrying too much, should I just chill out?
My mortality, the fragility of my body, are painfully obvious these days. I am only 39, yet I feel so old. I am 55 lbs. overweight and it's hard to lose the excess pounds. I am pre-diabetic, my estrogen levels are on the floor and my damn heel hurts all the time. I am trying to make changes, to eat right and to exercise. But is it too little, too late? Am I doomed? Should I even bother?