World Diabetes Day

Today is World Diabetes Day.  I am thinking of my dad today, who passed away due to complications from diabetes almost 21 years ago.  I am thinking of my mom, who is struggling with this now, seemingly triggered by other medicines sue needs to take to keep healthy.

I am also thinking of myself.  I had been living with a prediabetes diagnosis for two years, and early this year my doctor said it was time to do away with the "pre" and consider that I am a diabetic.   I am on Metformin to control my blood sugar, and for the most part it works.  But I still have some work to do to optimize my eating and physical activity habits.  For example, I need to try to get back to the daily exercise routine I had during the summer.  It is said that 30 minutes of walking every day can help keep type 2 diabetes under control.

The Big Blue Test (see video below) in an initiative to create awareness of the importance of physical activity to control blood sugar levels.  The test itself is fairly simple:

1- If you are a diabetic, test your blood sugar
2- Do some kind of physical activity for 14 minutes
3- Test your blood sugar again
4- Post your results here: http://bigbluetest.org/

I did it right this morning.  My initial value (30 minutes after breakfast) was 155.  After exercise, it was 131.




http://bigbluetest.org/
http://www.diabetes.org/
http://stopdiabetes.diabetes.org

Stress is a killer

Last night I was stressed out and had a horrible temper. I was mean, mean, so very mean. This morning my fasting blood reading was high (126).

New Life

I used to smoke. I had an addiction that lasted almost twenty years. I kept on smoking even when it triggered asthma attacks. Still, I managed to stop smoking during my two pregnancies and while I breastfed my daughters. I briefly picked up the habit again after weaning my youngest. By then my breathing problems had escalated and after a couple of months back in the habit, I kicked it for good.

It's been several years now and I am grateful I had the willpower to walk away from smoking. I hope I have the same strength to tackle this new challenge. I am a diabetic. I struggle with the label. But it is true. I also struggle with overeating, I have no impulse control with foods like candies and chips, and drinks such as sodas. People say moderation is key. I agree. But I know that for me, right now, it is a matter of completely cutting off certain foods and drinks if I want to be successful.

I have my reasons for taking this route. My dad was a diabetic and an alcoholic. When he was first diagnosed he was on pills and on a diet, he stopped drinking even. One day, his doctor told him he could have a drink now and then. Big mistake. My mom says he started drinking again and stopped taking care of himself. Ultimately he had to use insulin, and died of complications from diabetes. Ironically, he had stopped drinking a month before his death.

I am not a drinker, but I eat junk food compulsively. If there are chips and candies at home, I will eat and eat and eat. I know I can't control how much I eat of these things, so it is best to avoid them altogether if I want a clear shot at managing my blood sugar levels.

Crossing the threshold

My doctor gave me bad news this morning. After the latest A1C test results she said it was time to go over the line and officially diagnose me as a type 2 diabetic. It's like being handed a death sentence. I have told two people so far, and both times I have been unable to keep myself from crying.

Reading

Blood glucose level @ 9:40 AM: 97

This is two hours after having my morning coffee. I am feeling hungry now, so I need a snack. Yesterday I started taking Metformin again. I had stopped taking it beforfe the end of the year, and when I saw my doctor last week she tsk-tsk'd me, so I am taking it again. I am terrible at taking my medications regularly. Consistent routines are always a challenge.

Life

I have a friend back in Puerto Rico whose Facebook status updates terrify me. He is an old childhood friend, just like family to me. He is in pain, and he posts messages that scare me, as if he has given up on life already. I wish I could change things for him, reach out and take his pain away. All I can do is send him messages saying I love him, and hope that it counts for something. I can't fix life for him, and it saddens me.

It's been rough for me lately too. There have been fights at home and sickness. I have strep throat, so I am on antibiotics. I need to be very careful this season lest I get sick like last year.

Pneumonia

That's what my doctor said. I have pneumonia.

This year I have battled bronchitis three times, and now I am battling pneumonia. Will it ever get better? What comes after this?

Today was the Race for the Cure in Houston. I signed up for it, months ago. I missed it. I am not happy about it.

I am achy and jumpy, and I can't stand being confined. Ugh.

Friday, Oct 2, 2009

Sick again. Hurts to breathe, like I am being stabbed in my right lung. Going to the doctor today.

This (hormonal) life

This week has flown by quickly. It has been a busy time at work. It has also been weird in terms of my mood. I am anxious, irascible and short on patience. Also, I am not sure when will I start to see the effects of Metformin on my blood sugar levels. So far I have been taking it with dinner, and the only thing that has happened is that my stomach is upset the following morning. Maybe it's the new monitor, but when I measure my glucose levels, they do not look particularly good. Two days ago my fasting blood sugar was 131.

Metformin

This morning I saw my doctor and had my blood sugar tested before and after having food, to complement recent lab results that showed my blood sugar as elevated.

A year ago my doctor prescribed Metformin, and I defied her orders. I decided to prove to her that I could lower my blood sugar with good old diet and exercise. I went to a nutritionist, started exercising and changed the way I ate. It worked, but the behavior modification did not take. It lasted for approximately six to seven months, during which I lost about 35 lbs. and got my blood sugar under control. I felt accomplished too, like I was getting a handle over the chaos. Unfortunately, I fell off the wagon last November, and since then I have lived a sedentary, highly stressful, sweets-laden existence.

Thus, I found myself this morning with tears in my eyes as I drove to my neighborhood pharmacy to pick up the dreaded prescription. This time I don't have the energy to be contrarian. I am all too conscious of my failure to stick to my guns.

The breatless chronicles, day 205

Well, what do you know? The last couple of days have been great. I have slept well and have not experienced any major issues. I have not been struggling to breathe. There is hope for me yet.

I have been careful not to eat too close to bedtime and not to eat too much at night. I am trying to make breakfast and lunch my biggest meals so I am not too hungry at dinnertime. I am also more mindful of overeating. I am trying to minimize the effects of acid reflux and its effect on my asthma. It seems to be working.

I continue to do breathing treatments, but I need them less. I continue to do the corticosteroid therapy with the nebulizer, but only down to one per day as opposed to two. I have not needed the bronchodilator therapy for two days. I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Let's just hope it's not a train.

Music and Mood

Often, when I work from home I end up with a tune stuck in my head. Today it is the theme from The Piano, one of my favorite movies.



I had an appointment with the pulmonologist this morning. Since I already have prescriptions for the asthma and the acid reflux, he does not want to rock the boat much. But he prescribed a nasal spray to control the post nasal drip, and he wants me to do a sleep study to detect if I suffer from apnea or not.

I don't like 2009 so far. The first half of my 40th year has sucked badly. I am like a car that starts breaking down once the warranty wears off. I am worn down, tired and a little depressed from so many medical issues this year. I have had several panic attacks related to my struggles to breathe. I worry about being ill and giving an impression of weakness at work during the current economic situation. I find myself working from home more frequently, rather than venture into the office. It is easier to take care of my health if I have my medications and my nebulizer close to me. Plus, what I do can be done just as easily from the home office, and sometimes being home eliminates the distraction of chatty coworkers and unexpected visits, and allows me to focus on my job more fully. But the truth is that lately I am withdrawing more and more from contact with people other than my immediate circle.

Highlights of my day

In the morning I had this test done. I hate doing all these kinds of tests. They make me feel old and fragile, and I have to reassure myself that everything going to be alright and it's just a short test.

Then in the afternoon, this came out. And this, and this. Amazing how the same story can be presented in such different terms (judging by the headlines, at least).

Still ailing

On Thursday I bit the bullet and went back to my allergist, whom I had not seen since 2006. Of course she was not very happy with me disappearing and letting a regular doctor take charge of my allergy/asthma treatment. She ordered me to stop using three of the medications prescribed by the other doctor, and prescribed two others in their place.

One of the meds she instructed me to stop taking is Singulair, a drug for which the FDA has recently issued a new warning related to neuropsychiatric side effects. I got nervous about this, because I have been taking Singulair for a long time and I have always felt that it works. When I mentioned my concerns, my doctor said "well, it's not working now, is it?" How can I argue with that? I am not doing well lately with my asthma. And I have experienced some of the symptoms included in the FDA list.

Except that I now fear without it things could get even worse. I have not exactly been feeling peachy since I saw my allergist. I know the new breathing treatments she prescribed are having effect, in the sense that I feel my chest opening up. But the cough and congestion are not going anywhere, and my chest and throat feel sore. Also, I notice now that my esophagus feels funny.

I had a horrible night last night, waking up several times during the night and having pretty disturbing dreams, one of which starred my husband as a manipulating, cold and evil sociopath. It scared me greatly and brought me to tears.

I am highly emotional today. I woke up Gabe after my nightmare and subjected him to my list of fears for my well being. Others may consider my fears to be irrational or greatly exaggerated. He patiently listened to it all, then made me breakfast.

It is possible that today's outbursts have been a little hormonally-driven, but at this point I have no way of gauging whether they are sensible concerns or out of proportion terrors. Justified or not, these fears for my well being are very real. I can't stop thinking about death. I am terrified of dying and have cried my eyes out today. Teary-eyed even as I sit writing this, I am on the verge of falling apart, and remain convinced that the only thing keeping me from letting go, from relinquishing my reason and giving in to the siren song of hysteria is the thought of my girls.

Thursday

Death is on my mind a lot lately. Famous people keep dying. Billy Mays, Karl Malden, Alexis Argüello... I am sure I forget more.

I am not used to admitting weakness. In my mind I am invincible. But my health does not seem to be improving, and this exacerbates my sense of mortality and vulnerability. My respiratory system has never been this bad. I have had three bouts of bronchitis so far this year. I sincerely hope I do not catch the flu or all hell will break loose.

I have told Gabriel we may need to consider leaving Houston, that this city is toxic for me. But where to go? What is a good place to live, one where we can both find gainful employment? Wherever we go he needs to pass the bar exam before being able to practice. And I have twelve years of experience in my current company as a middle manager, plus good salary and benefits may not be so easy to replicate in the current economic climate.

Health matters

We have been sick for a few days now, my 4 year-old and I. This has not been a good year for me in terms of respiratory ailments. I have been through at least 3 episodes of bronchitis so far.

More heartbreaking is that my poor Isabel has had to take breathing treatments with albuterol for the first time in her life. She had been coughing for a few days, and the Mucinex was not making it better, but I was quite shocked when the doctor said she was wheezing and needed a treatment. Now she has to do one every four hours for a few days, and take oral steroids too. My poor baby. I asked the doctor if this meant she was asthmatic, and he said "once is an incident, twice it's a trend." So there is no label for now, thankfully. But I will have to watch her closely and learn to tell the symptoms. The doctor also cracked a joke: Welcome to Houston, would you like some air with your smog? Don't I know it well.

Taking Isabel to the doctor was easy. Trying to see my own family doctor was a bust. I like my doctor very much. She is close to me in age, and as a woman I think she has empathy for the things her female patients experience. Plus, she listens to her patients and values their opinions. She had been in practice with another doctor and left to establish her own practice. I followed her and was one of the first batch of patients she saw in her new office. I have seen things evolve as her practice grows, and that is a good thing. But on Tuesday I had a bad experience with one of her employees. I called to say I was sick and ask if it was possible to be seen that day. In the past, when I called I was always able to get in, no matter what time and how long I had to wait.

This time, the lady who answered the phone did not even give me that chance. She put me on hold several times, said they were booked through July 6th, could not care less that I am asthmatic and said I should go to the hospital if I needed attention immediately. I was so offended. WTF? Isn't the whole point of a family doctor that you can come in to see them when you are sick? If I want to be ignored and wait for months to get an appointment, I go to a specialist. Now I need to make plans in advance to catch a cold? And WTF is this about telling me to go to an emergency room? Emergency rooms should be a last recourse for people bleeding, with broken bones, suffering from a heart attack. You know, a real emergency. I am not going to go to an emergency room and pay a high insurance deductible for the kind of ailment that my family doctor should treat.

Before I hung up on the indifferent idiot on the other end of the line, I told her I wanted the doctor to call me. The doctor is usually very good at calling back. She never did, so I guess the idiot never gave her the message. I ended up going to a doctor I have seen before who takes walk-ins. I only go to him when I am pretty sure I know what I have and I want a prescription. Sure enough, he took a listen to my lungs, said it was pretty bad and gave me a prescription for oral steroids.

I am very, very disappointed. Stupid employees can ruin a practice and I am now wondering if I shouldn't switch doctors. I sent my family doctor a letter yesterday, who knows if she'll get to read it.

Woke up tired

I have not been sleeping well lately.

Out of air

I am convinced breathing problems are a key element behind my weekend freakout. I have been struggling to breathe lately, but I tend to forget how bad it gets. Lately I am severely congested, my chest feels tight and I find myself reaching for the albuterol inhaler several times a day.

This morning I almost had a panic attack in the space of time between dropping my oldest daughter at school and taking my youngest to daycare. My vision blurred, I felt dizzy and had difficulty expanding/contracting my lungs. My head felt stuffed and heavy. At the stop sign outside the elementary school, I lowered my car window and took two puffs from the inhaler. My youngest complained about the window, said it would make her cold. All I could say was: "mommy is having trouble breathing, sweetie, and the window down helps her feel better."

Sick

For the last two or three days I have been sick. I had been sick about two weeks ago, but thought I had gotten over it. Maybe it never went away.

My chest hurts, my throat hurts. It's hard to breathe with all the congestion. I am chilled to the bone. I hope it's not bronchitis, but it would not surprise me if it is. I always get sick this time of the year.

I have a lot of work today, some deadlines to meet, but tomorrow I will have to go to the doctor.

Blah

I am not in good spirits. I have been in a downright foul mood the last couple of days. I don't know exactly why. I don't particularly care to figure it out either. I don't want any more chores.

Yesterday I misbehaved. I did not exercise at all and ate entirely too much. Not only that, but I ate some M&M's, which I really am not supposed to do. I was concerned about my blood sugar levels, as I did not test at all yesterday. But this morning's fasting sugar reading was 96, so I guess I am doing OK.