Friday, October 31, 2008

Kids Pick the President

Paula came home yesterday and told me that they had voted for the president in school, through the Nickelodeon website. She said they went online, read some information about what the candidates stand for, and then made their pick.

Obama won in her class. The majority of kids, with the exception of two, voted for Obama. I was surprised. We live in Texas after all. Although, maybe I should not be so surprised. According to this article in the Houston Chronicle, this year's early voting turnout has been dominated by Democrats.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Pumpkin Carving Night

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Pressure cooker

I have always believed I do my best work under pressure, that looming deadlines make me soar.

I see now that is bullshit.

I have spent the last week under a tremendous amount of stress. I have a deadline. I have to produce something. I have the raw materials. I am struggling to put the pieces together. I keep procrastinating. I feel confused and lost, in over my head. Up shit creek without a paddle.

My whole life has been turned upside down lately. I have not gone to the gym. I have been eating too much and eating stuff that is not good for me. I have not measured my blood sugar in days. The house is even messier than it normally is. I am cranky and moody, more than usual. I am in avoidance mode. This will continue until the deadline is here and I deliver what is expected of me.

This is not soaring or working my best. This is agony. I hate it. I want it over.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Early Voting

We went to vote tonight. We wanted to avoid the long lines and craziness of election day. We ended up waiting in line for half an hour. But now we are done. Now we wait.

Sunday, October 26, 2008


I am not in good spirits. I have been in a downright foul mood the last couple of days. I don't know exactly why. I don't particularly care to figure it out either. I don't want any more chores.

Yesterday I misbehaved. I did not exercise at all and ate entirely too much. Not only that, but I ate some M&M's, which I really am not supposed to do. I was concerned about my blood sugar levels, as I did not test at all yesterday. But this morning's fasting sugar reading was 96, so I guess I am doing OK.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Wassup 2008

Too early to think

I have been up since 6:00 AM. It is an absolutely ungodly hour to be awake on a Saturday. Paula wants to participate in a fun run organized by the school district, hence the early hour wake up call. We are leaving in a about ten minutes.

Lately I am tired of introspection, not just other people's, but my own analyzing and dissecting of feelings. Blech. The more things are explained, the more they are diluted and devoid of life. There comes a time when we have to stop putting our life under a microscope and start living it.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Trepando Paredes (Cabin Fever)

It's been a weird day today. I worked from home again, just as yesterday. But while yesterday I had back to back conference calls most of the day, plus a sick girl prancing around, today it's been mostly me and my computer. I feel lonely, deprived of human interaction. I could have gone to the office, I guess.

Still more pics from last weekend

I had forgotten to post these.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Suburban wildlife

We have had a bird feeder in our front yard for a few months now. Last week, all of sudden, bird nests popped all over our front bushes, in between a lamp and the brick wall, and on a windowsill.

Yesterday we noticed an egg on one of the nests. I took a picture today, for posterity.

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Bad day

There are changes going on at work. We learned today we are losing a member of our team. She was pretty upset, and I can't blame her. It is not a good time to lose your job.

I am feeling survivor's guilt because I am still here. I am also angry, but there is no use being angry. These things will happen, regardless.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Sad Guys on Trading Floors - Ugh, again with the line graphs. Why not something...

Sad Guys on Trading Floors - Ugh, again with the line graphs. Why not something...

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Untitled # 1

Last week a short story I wrote was published in a Spanish language literary magazine called Letralia. It is a magazine that has published texts by Paula's dad in the past. On a whim I unearthed something I had written a couple of years ago, gave it a few tweaks and sent it to the editor. I was pleasantly surprised when he replied they were publishing it. He asked me for a brief biographical note to include with the story, and I hesitated. I am not reallly an active writer (except for the the blog), so instead of providing a laundry list of published works, I put the link to Boricua in Texas on my biographical note.

This morning I found a comment left last night in an old post. A student from Puerto Rico wrote me to ask if I was the person who had written a short story they were reading in class. Their teacher had given them as homework to look for personal information on the author of the story. Since I do not have my full name listed on this blog, I believe the student found me through the link on Letralia.

I am not going to lie. At a time when I feel myself becoming increasingly invisible, it was damn good reading that comment and being reminded that there is more to my life than whatever it is I do at work these days. It is encouraging.

I hope the student found what they needed from the blog.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

October Photography Challenge: Shadow

This is my entry for Graham Ettridge's October Photography Challenge. The theme of the challenge was: silhouette/shadow. I think the picture is self-evident.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

On the couch

It's one of those days. I am working from home, and in between phone calls, spreadsheets and frenzied e-mails, I lean back on my couch and wonder is this it?

That question always comes bundled with a sense of emptiness. Sometimes I wonder if I am truly seeking something that will fulfill me, or if I am just plain bored.

I live a perfectly ordinary life. I get up and have coffee. I take my kids to school and daycare. Sometimes I make breakfast for my husband; often he feeds himself. I pack our lunches. I take a shower, get dressed. I drive to work and park in the same area every day (so I don't forget where I am). I work. After work, I get my kids and drive home. We bicker. I make dinner. We all eat. We bicker once more. I sit at the computer for a while. Or I watch TV. I put my kids to bed and I fall asleep myself. Sometimes my husband is home in time for dinner.

My job is OK. I am not changing the world, though. And I often wonder how it would feel to do something that has a direct positive impact on the well-being of others. Not long ago I tried volunteering as a translator for a couple of non-profit organizations, and due to time constraints it did not work out. I feel bad about that. I want to contribute, I want to make my mark. But I am always so tired, and I feel like life is running through my fingers.