Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Music and Mood

Often, when I work from home I end up with a tune stuck in my head. Today it is the theme from The Piano, one of my favorite movies.

I had an appointment with the pulmonologist this morning. Since I already have prescriptions for the asthma and the acid reflux, he does not want to rock the boat much. But he prescribed a nasal spray to control the post nasal drip, and he wants me to do a sleep study to detect if I suffer from apnea or not.

I don't like 2009 so far. The first half of my 40th year has sucked badly. I am like a car that starts breaking down once the warranty wears off. I am worn down, tired and a little depressed from so many medical issues this year. I have had several panic attacks related to my struggles to breathe. I worry about being ill and giving an impression of weakness at work during the current economic situation. I find myself working from home more frequently, rather than venture into the office. It is easier to take care of my health if I have my medications and my nebulizer close to me. Plus, what I do can be done just as easily from the home office, and sometimes being home eliminates the distraction of chatty coworkers and unexpected visits, and allows me to focus on my job more fully. But the truth is that lately I am withdrawing more and more from contact with people other than my immediate circle.


  1. This is so much like me, Ingrid. At 40 I was the healthiest I had been in my entire life. I had lost a bunch of weight and walked to and from work each day. Little by little my body seemed to go to pieces like worn out quilt. IBS, allergies, asthma, lupus. SIGH Now I too prefer to be close to home and on trips out tend to fixate on where the nearest restroom might be if I need one. I like the comfort and security of being home with my husband and my cats, and I would much prefer not to have to interact all that much in the outside world. But sadly, we must. I understand now how becoming a recluse happens. It would be easy if I didn't have to work. Maybe then it's good that I do?

  2. Don't you give up, Ingrid. You're going to get everything under control, I just know it.

    The 40s has been a shock to me too. I wasn't prepared that the realisation I was aging would hit me so quickly. Who knew?

    I'll be thinking of you, hon, and wishing that asthma would go away!