Monday, August 18, 2008
The Walk
This is somehow appropriate, based on my mood today.
The Walk, by Imogen Heap
Inside-out, upside-down,
Twisting beside myself.
Stop that now,
'Cause you and I were never meant to be.
I think you'd better leave.
It's not safe in here.
I feel a weakness coming on.
Alright then, (alright then.)
I could keep your number for a rainy day.
That's where this ends.
No mistakes no misbehaving.
I was doing so well.
Could we just be friends?
I feel a weakness coming on.
It's not meant to be like this.
Not what I planned at all.
I don't want to feel like this.
Yeah.
No it's not meant to be like this.
Not what I planned at all.
I don't want to feel like this.
So that makes it all your fault.
Inside-out, upside-down,
Twisting beside myself.
Stop that now.
You're as close as it gets
Without touching me.
Oh now don't make it harder
Than it already is.
I feel a weakness coming on.
It's not meant to be like this.
Not what I planned at all.
I don't want to feel like this.
Yeah.
No it's not meant to be like this.
Not what I planned at all.
I don't want to feel like this.
So that makes it all your fault.
Big trouble losing control.
Primary resistance at a critical low.
on the double gotta get a hold.
Point of no return one second to go.
No response on any level,
Red-alert this vessel's under seige.
Total overload all systems down they've got control.
There's no way out.
We are surrounded.
Give in, give in and relish every minute of it.
Freeze, awake here forever.
I feel a weakness coming on.
It’s not meant to be like this,
Not what I planned at all.
I don’t want to feel like this.
Yeah.
No it’s not meant to be like this,
It's just what I don't need.
Why make me feel like this?
It's definitely all your fault.
Feel like this la la la la la la la la
It’s all your fault (feel like this) la la la la la la la la
It’s all your fault (feel like this) la la la la la la la la
It’s all your fault (feel like this) la la la la la la la la
It’s all your fault.
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those lyrics are pretty intense. Whats going on?
ReplyDeleteI don't know, Meleah. I guess I am scared. I am scared to screw up. And I am dealing with some pretty heavy self-loathing right now.
ReplyDeleteIt feels a lot like what I went through when I quit smoking. I have had all this resolve and optimism and drive, and all of a sudden I am feeling out of steam, and it's just so tempting and seems so much easier to just say fuck it and give up.
I also have come face to face with my body image issues. I hardly ever admit to having those, because I do define myself more by my mental abilities. Lately, however, I am very self conscious of my appearance. Specifically, I am obsessed because I don't see much change yet. Again, Gabe has told me to please be patient and realize this is a long-term overhaul. And I know it is. But I feel so ugly, and so disgusting and it's so tempting to give up and just resign myself to being this fat person.
So you see, this is what I am dealing with. And I think it's pointless and stupid and I am much smarter than that. Yet the feelings are there, and self awareness does not make them go away.
Do I sound crazy?
No, you don't sound crazy at all. You are redefining the way you view yourself which is an incredibly difficult thing to do. It is transitional in nature and transitions are always difficult to cope with. Gabe is right, it's going to take time. Don't be too hard on yourself because you will get there. You can do it.
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