Thursday, March 27, 2008


She's bored. Life these days leaves her numb. She's angry, so very angry. She hates the person she has to be at work, to survive. Lately she hates her job. She hopes this will pass.

More than anything, she is tense. In a few months she will officially be a middle-aged person. This is it. There is no escaping, no shortcuts. She is a grown-up, and there is no one to bail her out. It's the weight of the world that is wearing her down.

And yet she knows that, compared to others, she is doing so well. She has a job with a good salary and benefits. Never mind that the benefits keep on shrinking and the cost of life goes up faster than her salary can keep up with. At least she is getting a paycheck.

She can almost picture the comments on her blog. Be grateful for what you have. But grateful to whom, if not to herself? No one has given her any of this. She has worked hard for what she has, so if she wants to bitch a little bit, she should be entitled to.


  1. So, in a few days, you are going to be 25? That's awesome...! :-P

    I think it's human nature to try and find the positive side of things and, while I am very good at doing it for others, I find it to be a challenge for myself.

    Sure, I can see the bright side of things...but truly feeling that I have a light at the end of the tunnel can be a very difficult thing!

    Everything is so damn expensive these days. I realized that this new part time job that I got--the insurance benefits are going to be about 1/3 of my paycheck...! Blah. Life sucks sometimes.

    Long story short--I hear ya. :)

  2. Qué bueno que tienes el blog para desahogarte. Yo llegué a 40 y no lo creo. Aún estoy en negación, debe ser que me siento la misma persona. Ese día me lo alegraron los amigos que me llamaron para relajarme. Creo que es el número el que suena fuerte.



  3. Please don't tell me middle age begins at 40! Because I crossed that milestone years ago, and I still feel half that age. Okay, that's a lie, but I refuse to believe I'm already into the second half of my life. (Maybe I'm in a crisis of denial.) I think we're living in difficult times and we're all experiencing a sense of insecurity and uncertainty in every part of our lives. I also think it's a collective, communal phenomenon--I see it and hear it in just about everyone I know. We cling to hope!

  4. I agree, RD. I think these are difficult, tense times, and many people are showing signs of strain.

    Disturbances in mood tend to be seen as individual experiences, to be dealt with and solved by us on our own. We get medicines to help us cope with depression and anxiety, their causes explained as chemical imbalances in the brain. Which, in my opinion, does not fully explain what is happening. When a collective is buckling under pressure, it becomes clear that the phenomenon goes beyond our individual circumstances.

  5. Just hugs. I've been feeling pretty punk lately too. :(