Monday, August 18, 2008


Yesterday wasn't a good day for me.

On Saturday I pushed myself when doing my walk/run. I did more running than I usually do, and I went longer than usual too. As a result, yesterday my legs felt very tired and sore. Instead of taking a break for a day, which in hindsight I can see I needed, I insisted on going for a walk/run yesterday. Gabe was downstairs doing weights, and I was at the indoor track with the girls. I could hardly walk, much less run. But I tried. Thankfully, my heel pain actually eased up as I walked. However, I ended up with searing pain in the front of my right leg, below the knee. It was so intense I had to stop my walk short, and I struggled to make my way down the stairs. Gabe told me it was most likely a shin splint.

Once we were back in the car I just lost it. First my back and now this? I have already lost my sit ups due to the back injury. I can't lose my walk/run. What am I going to do if I can't walk or run anymore? The exercise is one of the elements keeping my blood sugar in check. I need it.

I was so frustrated, so scared of losing everything that I am fighting so hard to achieve, that I exploded in tears. Gabe reassured me that I was not going to lose anything, I just needed to listen to my body and take a break now and then so I can recover. I hope he is right.

I was very cranky the rest of the day. My usually low patience levels were even lower. And when my in-laws came for Sunday dinner, I misbehaved and ate a lot of bread, plus had a big serving of bread pudding with caramel sauce on top, and a glass of wine. The dinner, save for those two items, was actually a healthy, sensible one. I made some eggplant parmigiana, lightly breading and baking the eggplant in the oven (instead of frying) and serving it with whole wheat pasta and marinara sauce. We also had some baby spinach on the side.

I paid for my sins. In the evening, almost three hours after we ate dinner, my blood sugar was at 163. In the morning, my fasting sugar was 119. These are the highest values I have had in a very long time.

Today I feel quite uneasy. I am still moody and prone to tears. I am on a very tight deadline at work and I am finding it hard to get going. I am scared of regressing, and at the same time I am flirting with the idea of just throwing the towel and saying the hell with it, where's the candy?


  1. Don't give up. Everything will work out, I'm sure of it. You have come so far already - remember that.

  2. Thanks, Selma. I keep telling myself that. I also keep telling myself that there will always be down days. It's just not a good day. I find myself wanting a cigarrette, which is how I can tell I am really down.

  3. Gabe is right. you are not going to loose anything. In fact, this is all part of the process. Set backs are just as lesson worthy as steps forward!

    hang in there sweety!

    (and now I see why you posted that song above this)

  4. I really, really get this. Hypoglycemic here. Blood sugar has a huge influence on my moods.