Fiction Friday- Household objects

This Week’s Challenge
[Fiction] Friday Challenge for September, 14 2007:
Write a story, poem, or essay from the point of view of an inanimate object.

The table says:

I feel lonely sometimes. My humans don't use me as often as they should. They are always off doing something. They are always too busy or too scattered over the place to spend time together with me. They like to eat out, or they eat all over the house, in front of the TV, at the computer, standing up, sometimes even in bed. Those crazy humans.

When they do get together, when they make one of those nice and big family meals and gather around me to partake of the feast, it's all worth the wait. They eat, they drink, they talk and are merry. Their souls reach out to each other and I am so happy to be there for them.

I am the heart of this home. The TV may be louder and more prominent. The computer may get more attention on a day-to-day basis. But in the end, it is I, the table, who brings them all together.

The computer says:

Whatever. Not even the table himself buys that b.s. about being "the heart of this home." Are you kidding me? These days the table is the parking spot for bookbags, junk mail and other assorted clutter. How often do these people cook? How often do they entertain, other than at major holidays? Never, that's how often!

In this house, I am the queen, the one everybody fights over, the doorway to a world of fun! I am discrete (I don't tell the lady about the places the man likes to visit), I am quite versatile, capable of producing the answers to kid's homework assignments, recipes for gourmet dishes (never mind that they don't use them), weather forecasts for the cities the man travels to on business, and songs for the teenage brat. I am so good even the TV is scared of me these days, ever since he saw the man watching a movie on my 21-inch flat screen monitor.

The TV says:

You're pathetic, computer. You know as well as I do that deep down SIZE MATTERS. They may watch a little video on you now and then. But when they get tired of squinting at your teeny tiny screen, they come back to where the real fun's at. Take that, you and your wimpy little monitor. :p

The toilet says:

Dudes, you are so naive. You can fight all you want over who is more important here, when push comes to shove these people can live without all of you. But I bet you all the toilet paper rolls in the world that they are not willing to go poop in an outhouse. Who's your daddy now?