I have a friend back in Puerto Rico whose Facebook status updates terrify me. He is an old childhood friend, just like family to me. He is in pain, and he posts messages that scare me, as if he has given up on life already. I wish I could change things for him, reach out and take his pain away. All I can do is send him messages saying I love him, and hope that it counts for something. I can't fix life for him, and it saddens me.
It's been rough for me lately too. There have been fights at home and sickness. I have strep throat, so I am on antibiotics. I need to be very careful this season lest I get sick like last year.
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Monday, February 01, 2010
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Tests
Yeaterday I had my appointment for follow up tests as a result of my mammogram.
I saw the purported abnormal densities that showed up in the original test. There they were, two dark spots on one breast, one in the other. I was scheduled to have a spot compression and a breast ultrasound. Luckily, the spot compression test cleared any concerns over the so-called densities, and I was told by the radiologist to go home, that there was no need to do the ultrasound. I expect that my doctor will get the results either today or tomorrow.
Instead of a celebratory post, this is a bittersweet one. While I am very happy and relieved by my results, last night I found out that one of my "mommy board" friends, Suzy, was diagnosed with breast cancer yesterday. She will undergo surgery and lose one of her breasts. She will also have to take three courses of chemo. My heart goes out to her, for she is about to embark in the fight of her life.
My mother survived breast cancer. I am hopeful that Suzy will come out on top of this too.
I saw the purported abnormal densities that showed up in the original test. There they were, two dark spots on one breast, one in the other. I was scheduled to have a spot compression and a breast ultrasound. Luckily, the spot compression test cleared any concerns over the so-called densities, and I was told by the radiologist to go home, that there was no need to do the ultrasound. I expect that my doctor will get the results either today or tomorrow.
Instead of a celebratory post, this is a bittersweet one. While I am very happy and relieved by my results, last night I found out that one of my "mommy board" friends, Suzy, was diagnosed with breast cancer yesterday. She will undergo surgery and lose one of her breasts. She will also have to take three courses of chemo. My heart goes out to her, for she is about to embark in the fight of her life.
My mother survived breast cancer. I am hopeful that Suzy will come out on top of this too.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
The cat's out of the bag
Well, it's done.
Yesterday afternoon Paula's friend came over to play with Paula and I asked them both to step outside so I could talk to them. I told B that Paula had told me what she confided on her because Paula was concerned about her. She started to cry, poor sweetheart. And she wasn't mad at Paula at all, quite the contrary.
What I saw in her was a mix of being scared about what is to come and being relieved, like a load had been lifted. I made sure to say several times to B that what was done to her was not her fault, that it was a horrible thing for this adult to take advantage of her like that. I also told her she needed to talk to her parents, and offered my support if she wanted someone to accompany her. Poor girl, her biggest concern was that she didn't want to cause problems. As she cried, I gave her a hug and told her she did nothing to deserve this, that her parents would want to know so they can get her help.
She wanted to talk to her mom alone, so I gave her space. She did take Paula with her, who stood in the wings outside her house in case B got too nervous. But she did it, she told her mom by herself.
About an hour and a half later, her stepdad came to see me and we talked for a bit. I think he may have wanted to see who I was and what was my take on the whole thing. I think he also wanted to make sure I was not some crazy flake planting weird ideas in his stepdaughter's head.
His concern was "why did she tell us this now?" It was shocking to him because he said the girl and her mom have a close relationship and her mom has always made clear to the girl that she can tell her anything, no matter what. My answer was that I had encouraged the little girl to talk to them after she had confided in my daughter; and that she had been hesitant to do so before, not wanting to cause problems.
I also said that although I had no way to know for sure if she was telling the truth, I had no reason not to trust her. She seemed very sincere and not someone making things up to get attention, and I had believed her.
We'll see what happens. I have faith that they will get to the bottom of this.
Yesterday afternoon Paula's friend came over to play with Paula and I asked them both to step outside so I could talk to them. I told B that Paula had told me what she confided on her because Paula was concerned about her. She started to cry, poor sweetheart. And she wasn't mad at Paula at all, quite the contrary.
What I saw in her was a mix of being scared about what is to come and being relieved, like a load had been lifted. I made sure to say several times to B that what was done to her was not her fault, that it was a horrible thing for this adult to take advantage of her like that. I also told her she needed to talk to her parents, and offered my support if she wanted someone to accompany her. Poor girl, her biggest concern was that she didn't want to cause problems. As she cried, I gave her a hug and told her she did nothing to deserve this, that her parents would want to know so they can get her help.
She wanted to talk to her mom alone, so I gave her space. She did take Paula with her, who stood in the wings outside her house in case B got too nervous. But she did it, she told her mom by herself.
About an hour and a half later, her stepdad came to see me and we talked for a bit. I think he may have wanted to see who I was and what was my take on the whole thing. I think he also wanted to make sure I was not some crazy flake planting weird ideas in his stepdaughter's head.
His concern was "why did she tell us this now?" It was shocking to him because he said the girl and her mom have a close relationship and her mom has always made clear to the girl that she can tell her anything, no matter what. My answer was that I had encouraged the little girl to talk to them after she had confided in my daughter; and that she had been hesitant to do so before, not wanting to cause problems.
I also said that although I had no way to know for sure if she was telling the truth, I had no reason not to trust her. She seemed very sincere and not someone making things up to get attention, and I had believed her.
We'll see what happens. I have faith that they will get to the bottom of this.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Unspeakable
My almost 10 year-old daughter and I bicker constantly. We also love each other fiercely. I have always tried to encourage her to talk to me about important stuff. As she gets older, I tell her that she doesn't have to share every single bit of information with me, but to always tell me about things that are serious or may put her in danger. And she does confide in me a lot. I hope it continues to be that way as she gets older.
She tells me about things that happen in school, episodes in the lives of friends or classmates that cause concern, sadness or shock. Two years ago she was in the same class as a boy whose father had killed his mother by shooting her in the head right in front of the boy. The father was in jail and the boy was being raised by his grandmother. You can imagine what an angry and confused boy he was. She has also seen a boy being teased mercilessly by other boys because he is effeminate. She's had a girl tell her that she can't be friends with someone who does not go to church. And so on and so forth.
Usually when she tells me these things I try to put them in perspective and help her learn something from them. We talk about right and wrong, about compassion, about tolerance. Yesterday's revelation, however, has left ME shocked and trying to figure out what to do next. One of her friends from our neighborhood, who lives in the street adjacent to ours, confided in her yesterday. And what she told my daughter is the kind of secret that one can't sit on.
My daughter's friend told her that she had been raped by her grandmother's ex-husband from the time she was a baby until she was 8 years old. Since then, her grandma divorced the guy, so he is out of the picture now. But for years she was molested by this man, and she has not told anybody in her family about it. It seems my daughter is the first person she has told about this, and she swore her to secrecy. But Paula knew this was something critical, so she came to me for advice. I will not go into specifics, but based on some of the details Paula relayed, it is obvious that she is not making this up.
Now I am sitting here, with this knowledge, wondering what to do about it, how exactly to proceed. I do not know her parents, so I do not know how to approach them. But I know that if it was my daughter who was in this situation, I would want to know. So I am trying to figure out what is the best next step.
This is what I have done so far. I have asked Paula to be completely discreet and not comment about this with any of her friends in school. She was not planning on telling anybody, but it is good to reinforce the message. Next, I asked her to encourage her friend to talk to her parents. In fact, that was the first thing Paula suggested when her friend made her revelation yesterday, but her friend is afraid her parents will be mad at her. My daughter kept on telling her it wasn't her fault, that her parents will not be mad, that the person they will be mad at is the grownup who took advantage of her. I was very proud of Paula for this.
I also asked Paula to do is suggest to her friend that if she doesn't feel comfortable talking to her parents yet, that she should talk to the school counselor. I know the counselor would be bound by law to notify her parents. Last, I said to Paula to ask her friend if she wanted me to talk to the mom. As I said before, I do not know her, but I can reach out as a fellow mother. I just do not want to do it unless the little girl feels comfortable with me doing that.
My heart breaks for this girl. She seems very well-adjusted, if a little shy. She does not show any signs of anger or inappropriate sexuality. She is a normal kid, interested in playing with my daughter, riding her bike, hanging out. And yet, she cries herself to sleep every night, confused and scared by the memory of the horrors she went through. Something needs to be done.
She tells me about things that happen in school, episodes in the lives of friends or classmates that cause concern, sadness or shock. Two years ago she was in the same class as a boy whose father had killed his mother by shooting her in the head right in front of the boy. The father was in jail and the boy was being raised by his grandmother. You can imagine what an angry and confused boy he was. She has also seen a boy being teased mercilessly by other boys because he is effeminate. She's had a girl tell her that she can't be friends with someone who does not go to church. And so on and so forth.
Usually when she tells me these things I try to put them in perspective and help her learn something from them. We talk about right and wrong, about compassion, about tolerance. Yesterday's revelation, however, has left ME shocked and trying to figure out what to do next. One of her friends from our neighborhood, who lives in the street adjacent to ours, confided in her yesterday. And what she told my daughter is the kind of secret that one can't sit on.
My daughter's friend told her that she had been raped by her grandmother's ex-husband from the time she was a baby until she was 8 years old. Since then, her grandma divorced the guy, so he is out of the picture now. But for years she was molested by this man, and she has not told anybody in her family about it. It seems my daughter is the first person she has told about this, and she swore her to secrecy. But Paula knew this was something critical, so she came to me for advice. I will not go into specifics, but based on some of the details Paula relayed, it is obvious that she is not making this up.
Now I am sitting here, with this knowledge, wondering what to do about it, how exactly to proceed. I do not know her parents, so I do not know how to approach them. But I know that if it was my daughter who was in this situation, I would want to know. So I am trying to figure out what is the best next step.
This is what I have done so far. I have asked Paula to be completely discreet and not comment about this with any of her friends in school. She was not planning on telling anybody, but it is good to reinforce the message. Next, I asked her to encourage her friend to talk to her parents. In fact, that was the first thing Paula suggested when her friend made her revelation yesterday, but her friend is afraid her parents will be mad at her. My daughter kept on telling her it wasn't her fault, that her parents will not be mad, that the person they will be mad at is the grownup who took advantage of her. I was very proud of Paula for this.
I also asked Paula to do is suggest to her friend that if she doesn't feel comfortable talking to her parents yet, that she should talk to the school counselor. I know the counselor would be bound by law to notify her parents. Last, I said to Paula to ask her friend if she wanted me to talk to the mom. As I said before, I do not know her, but I can reach out as a fellow mother. I just do not want to do it unless the little girl feels comfortable with me doing that.
My heart breaks for this girl. She seems very well-adjusted, if a little shy. She does not show any signs of anger or inappropriate sexuality. She is a normal kid, interested in playing with my daughter, riding her bike, hanging out. And yet, she cries herself to sleep every night, confused and scared by the memory of the horrors she went through. Something needs to be done.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Show Josie some love, please
I am so behind on my blog reading that I had completely missed the recent happenings in Josie's life, specifically regarding her daughter. Josie and her daughter are going through a tough time the last few days. I want to dedicate this post to them and ask you to pay Josie a visit and show her some love, if you have not done so already.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Thank you Corey!
My friend and fellow January 2005 Mama, Corey, has bestowed upon me a Creative Blogger Award. Thank you, Corey! Corey is a very dedicated mother to her sweet and beautiful daughter, Makenna. She also dabbles in photography. If you have not visited her blog yet, pay her a visit.
The rules of the award can be seen here. I have some thinking to do regarding whom I will choose for the 5 awards I am supposed to give out now.
The rules of the award can be seen here. I have some thinking to do regarding whom I will choose for the 5 awards I am supposed to give out now.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Park and Ride
Saturday we are going to Galveston with our friends John and Stephanie, and little Michael. Stephanie mentioned that they like to go to the state park there. John mentioned that we could take the ferry. I was surprised. I have been to Galveston several times since I moved to Texas, but I had no idea there was a State Park in Galveston, much less a ferry.
It should be an interesting day. Stephanie and John are great people, we always have a great time with them. I love finding out new places to visit, and every time I am near the ocean a sense of calm descends upon me. Even if it's the Gulf of Yoohoo, as Amanda calls it.
It should be an interesting day. Stephanie and John are great people, we always have a great time with them. I love finding out new places to visit, and every time I am near the ocean a sense of calm descends upon me. Even if it's the Gulf of Yoohoo, as Amanda calls it.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Weaning
I woke up this morning with a feeling of aprehension. Today is my last day of vacation. Tomorrow I go back to the office, but today I will need to connect and do some stuff, and have a conference call with an analyst in the afternoon. So even though it's my last day of vacation, I have to work at least an hour or two. Ugh.
I have been up since around 5 AM. Acid reflux again. I need to get my Protonix prescription filled. I hate taking meds on a regular basis, but it seems I really need it.
I am thinking of my friends Amanda and Shannon this morning, hoping their days go well. Amanda is quitting her job today. After working thirteen years for the same company, she is making a complete career change and going for something she feels passionately about. I admire her so much for it. I hope her talk with her boss today goes well. Shannon is feeling under the weather. She has bronchitis and has been coughing so much that it seems she tore some cartilage in her ribs. She is in pain and I hope it goes away quickly. Send some love their way, please.
I have been up since around 5 AM. Acid reflux again. I need to get my Protonix prescription filled. I hate taking meds on a regular basis, but it seems I really need it.
I am thinking of my friends Amanda and Shannon this morning, hoping their days go well. Amanda is quitting her job today. After working thirteen years for the same company, she is making a complete career change and going for something she feels passionately about. I admire her so much for it. I hope her talk with her boss today goes well. Shannon is feeling under the weather. She has bronchitis and has been coughing so much that it seems she tore some cartilage in her ribs. She is in pain and I hope it goes away quickly. Send some love their way, please.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Shirts by Providence Handmade
Friday, July 27, 2007
Here comes the rain again
I woke up to the sound of rain. We had a respite the last couple of days, but it's back. And that's fine by me.
It's not raining hard, and I love hearing the rain's singsong this morning.
I am behind on some projects at work. I have had a hard time figuring out how to do what I need to do. It's part of the learning curve, I guess.
Last night we went to a baseball game, Astros vs. Padres. At the office I was offered a pair of free tickets at the last minute. It was totally meant to be, as Gabe had just told me he had cancelled some Chamber of Commerce commitment he had. He also managed to get my mother-in-law on the phone, and she agreed to pick up Isabel. Yay! She also agreed to pick her up from daycare again today. My friend Amanda and I have been talking about maybe doing Happy Hour together, hopefully we will be able to do it.
It's also my mother-in-law's birthday today, so I have to make sure I bring her birthday gift with me today. We got her two framed pictures of the girls, a t-shirt that says "Home is where my grandkids are" and a pretty figurine of a grandmother and child.
Also, I had forgotten I had been invited for a farewell lunch for one of my former colleagues in the Latin America group. He is not leaving the company, but he is leaving Houston and going back to Colombia to take the Marketing Manager position there. He is a great guy and will be missed.
Lastly, I finished the Harry Potter book last night. I still don't know how I feel about it. It's OK, I guess, but I am oddly empty of feeling towards it.
It's not raining hard, and I love hearing the rain's singsong this morning.
I am behind on some projects at work. I have had a hard time figuring out how to do what I need to do. It's part of the learning curve, I guess.
Last night we went to a baseball game, Astros vs. Padres. At the office I was offered a pair of free tickets at the last minute. It was totally meant to be, as Gabe had just told me he had cancelled some Chamber of Commerce commitment he had. He also managed to get my mother-in-law on the phone, and she agreed to pick up Isabel. Yay! She also agreed to pick her up from daycare again today. My friend Amanda and I have been talking about maybe doing Happy Hour together, hopefully we will be able to do it.
It's also my mother-in-law's birthday today, so I have to make sure I bring her birthday gift with me today. We got her two framed pictures of the girls, a t-shirt that says "Home is where my grandkids are" and a pretty figurine of a grandmother and child.
Also, I had forgotten I had been invited for a farewell lunch for one of my former colleagues in the Latin America group. He is not leaving the company, but he is leaving Houston and going back to Colombia to take the Marketing Manager position there. He is a great guy and will be missed.
Lastly, I finished the Harry Potter book last night. I still don't know how I feel about it. It's OK, I guess, but I am oddly empty of feeling towards it.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Writing a post so I don't fall asleep and bump into the flat panel
It’s Thursday afternoon. I am sitting in my office with the door closed, running some reports and debating whether to listen to my iTunes music or attempt to get the camera to work.
I had lunch with my friend Amanda today. Amanda is going to do the Race for the Cure with me. I'm so excited!
I ate a huge plate of BBQ. I still feel so full.
Since yesterday I have been thinking about a possible short story idea. I can’t say that the concept is wholly original, kind of ironic considering what the story is about. What if I were to write a short story where all the lines of dialogue came from lyrics to songs? I would call my story “Hack job”. Maybe if I am able to come of with something beyond the mere idea, I will post something this weekend.
I had lunch with my friend Amanda today. Amanda is going to do the Race for the Cure with me. I'm so excited!
I ate a huge plate of BBQ. I still feel so full.
Since yesterday I have been thinking about a possible short story idea. I can’t say that the concept is wholly original, kind of ironic considering what the story is about. What if I were to write a short story where all the lines of dialogue came from lyrics to songs? I would call my story “Hack job”. Maybe if I am able to come of with something beyond the mere idea, I will post something this weekend.
Monday, June 04, 2007
How far is too far?
This past weekend I have been thinking a lot about friendships, "online" versus "in real life" and the hybrid kind that encompasses both. I have also been thinking a lot about group dynamics and message boards codes of conduct.
When it comes to disagreements between members of message boards, how far is too far? How much are you willing to put up with? Where do we draw the line? What do we do with members who are clearly out of line? Would you be inclined to cut some slack to people you know and love in real life?
Those of you who belong to Mommy Boards, what does the board represent to you? What kind of community do you wish to belong to? How tolerant are you when it comes to conflic in your board
I'll answer for myself. I draw the line at personal attacks, particularly when they are done with the intent to ridicule, dismiss or hurt someone. I want my board to be a place where mature adults meet. Sure there are bound to be differences. And sometimes people say things without thinking. Sometimes feelings are hurt inadvertently. But adults know when to stop, when to take a step back. When people go out of their way to provoke fights or to be rude and mean to others, that is not cool.
When it comes to disagreements between members of message boards, how far is too far? How much are you willing to put up with? Where do we draw the line? What do we do with members who are clearly out of line? Would you be inclined to cut some slack to people you know and love in real life?
Those of you who belong to Mommy Boards, what does the board represent to you? What kind of community do you wish to belong to? How tolerant are you when it comes to conflic in your board
I'll answer for myself. I draw the line at personal attacks, particularly when they are done with the intent to ridicule, dismiss or hurt someone. I want my board to be a place where mature adults meet. Sure there are bound to be differences. And sometimes people say things without thinking. Sometimes feelings are hurt inadvertently. But adults know when to stop, when to take a step back. When people go out of their way to provoke fights or to be rude and mean to others, that is not cool.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Blah (Mood series)
The swing is gone. For now. This music better matches my mood this morning. For the record, it's Nirvana's "Something in the way".
Am I spending too much time on the Internet?
There was drama on my mommy board yesterday. A debate thread on the topic of adoption devolved into nasty name calling and cursing. One of the people involved took offense to someone's opinion. An opinion that may have been stated in better terms than she did, but a general opinion nevertheless, not directed to anyone in particular. The person who got offended is in a sensitive situation right now, because of fertility issues, and her reaction was completely out of proportion. Which is usually a sign that a lot more was going on in her head/heart than what the debate was about. Like someone said to me, it was literally like watching someone have a complete breakdown, post by post.
This whole thing is very unfortunate, and it comes on the heels of another incident between members that happened recently. Our board was founded on the premise that we were all responsible adults who could monitor ourselves, so we are very flexible and don't have strict rules. I feel like this incident has laid bare one of the weak points of that approach. To me the board should be a safe haven for all of us, and yesterday's incident is making me feel skeptical about the longevity of our current group. People are leaving, or taking breaks. Feelings are hurt. Everybody is asking "how do we move on?" I wish I knew, but this morning, right now, I am not very optimistic about the whole thing.
And frankly, I am angry. Angry that our board was highjacked by such ugliness. I don't care what are the reasons why people blew up the way they did. I think after a certain point, people need to wash their dirty laundry through more private methods (private messages, e-mail, phone calls) rather than exposing the complete group to it and threaten the stability of the board. That's my opinion and I am sticking to it!
Am I spending too much time on the Internet?
There was drama on my mommy board yesterday. A debate thread on the topic of adoption devolved into nasty name calling and cursing. One of the people involved took offense to someone's opinion. An opinion that may have been stated in better terms than she did, but a general opinion nevertheless, not directed to anyone in particular. The person who got offended is in a sensitive situation right now, because of fertility issues, and her reaction was completely out of proportion. Which is usually a sign that a lot more was going on in her head/heart than what the debate was about. Like someone said to me, it was literally like watching someone have a complete breakdown, post by post.
This whole thing is very unfortunate, and it comes on the heels of another incident between members that happened recently. Our board was founded on the premise that we were all responsible adults who could monitor ourselves, so we are very flexible and don't have strict rules. I feel like this incident has laid bare one of the weak points of that approach. To me the board should be a safe haven for all of us, and yesterday's incident is making me feel skeptical about the longevity of our current group. People are leaving, or taking breaks. Feelings are hurt. Everybody is asking "how do we move on?" I wish I knew, but this morning, right now, I am not very optimistic about the whole thing.
And frankly, I am angry. Angry that our board was highjacked by such ugliness. I don't care what are the reasons why people blew up the way they did. I think after a certain point, people need to wash their dirty laundry through more private methods (private messages, e-mail, phone calls) rather than exposing the complete group to it and threaten the stability of the board. That's my opinion and I am sticking to it!
Monday, November 06, 2006
Monday morning
It's 6:35 AM. Usually at this hour Paula wakes up and I send her to get ready while I have coffee and go online. Today my alone time will be cut short because Gabe needs to finish a project. It's OK, I'll find some time later.
Yesterday I enrolled in NaNoWriMo. I had no idea this existed, and found out about it through a post by a friend on one of the boards I go to. Fifty thousand words in a month may be more that I can do, and I started with a few days' delay. But I like the challenge, and to push myself a little bit. I have not sat down to consistently write fiction in years. This month I will only have nights to write what I need. We'll see if I make it and what comes out of it.
I have also, in a way, committed to the whole Flylady thing with my friends from the board. My friend Amanda and a few others swear by this, and my house is always so messy and cluttered that we need all the strategic help with can get. I say in a way because I have not been making daily lists, as my friends have. And I confess that I have not shined my sink consistently the last few days.
This is so typical of me, biting off more than I can chew. Starting things without knowing whether I will have the time to commit. I can already predict what will happen. When faced with two challenges, one domestic and one creative, I will have a tendency to leave the domestic one aside and focus on the creative. In fact, I don't even need the creative challenge to put off the domestic one. So it will be a big effort to try and juggle the two. Plus work from 9 to 6. Plus the girls. Maybe I should go looking for something else I can volunteer for.
Yesterday I enrolled in NaNoWriMo. I had no idea this existed, and found out about it through a post by a friend on one of the boards I go to. Fifty thousand words in a month may be more that I can do, and I started with a few days' delay. But I like the challenge, and to push myself a little bit. I have not sat down to consistently write fiction in years. This month I will only have nights to write what I need. We'll see if I make it and what comes out of it.
I have also, in a way, committed to the whole Flylady thing with my friends from the board. My friend Amanda and a few others swear by this, and my house is always so messy and cluttered that we need all the strategic help with can get. I say in a way because I have not been making daily lists, as my friends have. And I confess that I have not shined my sink consistently the last few days.
This is so typical of me, biting off more than I can chew. Starting things without knowing whether I will have the time to commit. I can already predict what will happen. When faced with two challenges, one domestic and one creative, I will have a tendency to leave the domestic one aside and focus on the creative. In fact, I don't even need the creative challenge to put off the domestic one. So it will be a big effort to try and juggle the two. Plus work from 9 to 6. Plus the girls. Maybe I should go looking for something else I can volunteer for.
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