Saturday

Friday was OK. I drove Paula and her friends to Friday Night Live. I took Isa out to dinner afterwards. Gabe came home all tired from his office move.

I am exhausted. I am not sleeping well and I am starting to wonder if I have sleep apnea myself.

Here we go again

It's Friday. I should be excited, shouldn't I? Instead, I cringe. The last couple of Fridays have been awful. We have had fights. Now I feel as if the start of the weekend is jinxed forever and would rather it be a month of workdays. Predictably, I always want what I do not have.

Wednesday afternoon

Images captured in the last fifteen minutes:

Nosy neighbors



Naptime

http://twitter.com/boricuaintexas

Twitter bores me. I don't know if it is due to the quality of tweets from the list of people I follow, or the fact that posting constantly does not appeal to me. I set a goal of posting one stupid tweet a day and I could not even keep up with that.

Twitter has potential, but most of the time it is just the cyberspace equivalent of the inane and pointless chatter that I avoid like the plague. Do I really give a crap about where these yahoos are having coffee, how backed up traffic is or how excited they were the day the iPad was launched?

The only reason why I do not quit altogether and delete my account is that I like my name and I do not want to lose it.

Reading

Blood glucose level @ 9:40 AM: 97

This is two hours after having my morning coffee. I am feeling hungry now, so I need a snack. Yesterday I started taking Metformin again. I had stopped taking it beforfe the end of the year, and when I saw my doctor last week she tsk-tsk'd me, so I am taking it again. I am terrible at taking my medications regularly. Consistent routines are always a challenge.

Bilinguismo

One of my favorite things at work is when I have a chance to speak Spanish with a coworker in an unexpected context. The organization I work for has an Americas scope (US, CA, LA), so I talk and exchange emails in Spanish frequently. But my favorite is when somebody in a non-Latin America role turns out to be a native Spanish speaker, because then we speak Spanish for fun, not for necessity.

Nostalgic

I miss Old San Juan, walking down calle Tanca, the adoquines, taking a stroll amid the hustle and bustle of tourists, shop employees and government workers. I wish I could visit Old San Juan without a list of things to do and see. I don't want to be a tourist in my homeland.

Self-loathing

No matter what I do, no matter how much I accomplish in life, I have never been able to shake a persistent and overpowering sense of failure that has haunted me for years. Every week, at least once (usually more often), a thought assaults me: you could have been so much more, if only you had tried harder.

I hate the critic inside. She is biased against me, and implacable. I can't escape her. Nothing I do or say (nothing anybody else does or says, for that matter) will change her mind. I am a failure in her eyes. My transgressions are copious and legendary, and I will never redeem myself.

Life

I have a friend back in Puerto Rico whose Facebook status updates terrify me. He is an old childhood friend, just like family to me. He is in pain, and he posts messages that scare me, as if he has given up on life already. I wish I could change things for him, reach out and take his pain away. All I can do is send him messages saying I love him, and hope that it counts for something. I can't fix life for him, and it saddens me.

It's been rough for me lately too. There have been fights at home and sickness. I have strep throat, so I am on antibiotics. I need to be very careful this season lest I get sick like last year.

Natural light vs. Flash

Two more pictures for the {seven}52 challenge, week 4:

Natural light



Flash photography



Personally, I prefer the natural light, but the picture has a slightly blurred quality and I am not sure why. I need to keep working on this until I figure it out.