Monday, June 04, 2007

How far is too far?

This past weekend I have been thinking a lot about friendships, "online" versus "in real life" and the hybrid kind that encompasses both. I have also been thinking a lot about group dynamics and message boards codes of conduct.

When it comes to disagreements between members of message boards, how far is too far? How much are you willing to put up with? Where do we draw the line? What do we do with members who are clearly out of line? Would you be inclined to cut some slack to people you know and love in real life?

Those of you who belong to Mommy Boards, what does the board represent to you? What kind of community do you wish to belong to? How tolerant are you when it comes to conflic in your board

I'll answer for myself. I draw the line at personal attacks, particularly when they are done with the intent to ridicule, dismiss or hurt someone. I want my board to be a place where mature adults meet. Sure there are bound to be differences. And sometimes people say things without thinking. Sometimes feelings are hurt inadvertently. But adults know when to stop, when to take a step back. When people go out of their way to provoke fights or to be rude and mean to others, that is not cool.


  1. I 110% completely agree with you on this one, Ingrid. It's one thing to unintentionally hurt people, but to do it over and over again repeatly crosses the line in my book.

    I currently am on hiatus trying to figure things out for me.

  2. I will answer, as I am a member of a mommy board. :)

    I am very involved in my board and like to consider all the mama's my friends. Past Drama definately brought surprises and since then, I found that I have to try to remember that as much as I think I know everyone, the written word is hard to always understand inflection, so misunderstandings happen. Those can hopefully be worked thru.
    I do agree that when people attack, it is over the line, and I just can't tolerate it. In fact I can't understand it. There is just no place for behavior like that.
    I go to my mama board for support, fun, and understanding. NOT to be nervous that someone is going to turn on me.

  3. To me, my mommy boards are to be a place of refuge and understanding. A place I can go to vent, have parenting questions answered, and just have fun.

    I know that with friendships, online and IRL, there come times where people say things that are hurtful, or things they don't mean. I know I've done it myself. I believe in grace and forgiveness. To me it all comes down to the attitude of the person who did the offending. If there is a sincere desire to accept the fact that they have caused hurt, and that (even if they disagree) they want to mend the friendship and apologize for the hurt, then it's important to try to work through it, IMO. If not...then it's not a safe place anymore. And the thought of that is heartbreaking.

    I still have hope...but I'm nervous. Hugs to us all.

  4. When other people don't take their meds, I just have another glass of wine.

    I'm extremely forgiving. Tragic flaw, at times. But, it's who I am. Lucky for my husband, eh? ;]

    Oh, and I'm especially tolerant when I know, and like, people off a board.