Friday, October 12, 2007

Non-fiction Friday- Non-sentimental ending

Here’s this week’s challenge:
Use this quote as the spark for anything you want.

“I’m not one for sentimental endings. Not this time.”

I have written before about a non-sentimental ending in my life. When it comes to the end of romantic relationships, there is always going to be some emotion involved, obviously. But being sad about an ending and being sentimental about it are not the same thing. You may not agree, but to me being sentimental is giving up power. When people are sentimental they usually idealize the other person and give their ghost (or their memory, if you'd like) a power over them that they do not deserve to have.

In the particular case I wrote about before, you could say I had been addicted to this person over the summer we dated. I was all by myself that summer because my daughter was in Puerto Rico, so my days all revolved around him. But that candle burned so fast that in the end there was nothing left and I had no desire to delude myself. Once I was done crying, instead of waxing sentimental about our summer of unbridled love, I decided to look at the unadorned truth. And I did not like what I saw. I saw an older man who wanted a younger woman at his beck and call; sexist, racist, an alcoholic. And I saw myself as he had seen me, a hot tamale who had become less fun and carefree once her daughter came back into the picture.

Because I was tired of the whole crying breakup thing, I decided to get incontrovertible proof that the guy was a scoundrel and in no way sad and mourning the demise of our ill-timed relationship, as he had tried to make it seem on one of his e-mails. When I posted my fake Yahoo Personals ad, I knew exactly what to say. My character was Latina, single, no kids, mid-thirties, looking for a good time and no ties. There was one other detail that I knew would catch his attention. The woman did not like intellectuals or people who put on airs. Hook, line and sinker, hello!

You might say that was devious and that laying a trap was not fair. Phooey, I say. If he was really so despondent, what the hell was he doing perusing the personals just days after our split? Why would he be propositioning Latina Hottie the same day her ad came out, asking for a face-to-face meeting and inquiring if she would be willing to drop everything at a moment's notice if he wanted to take a last-minute trip?

The response I got to my fake ad wasn't a boost to my ego, but it proved what I knew all along. I was interchangeable to him. Three days after our breakup he was already looking for his substitute exotic chick, only without the inconveniences of a child and a strong temper. It made me wonder who came before me, whom did I substitute?

Sometimes the truth is hard to digest. But I wanted it that way.

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  1. as difficult as it was i am sure you can see now the strength and the insight you were blessed with as a result of having lived this very difficult piece of life... in its own way,, it was a blessing,, an unanswered prayer......

  2. Oh, absolutely, Paisley. And I think that I was able to act the way I did at this time because of my prior history, the relationship with ex, the breakup and the four years of celibacy.

    I see all my life experiences as moments of learning. It works for me that way. Even petty annoyances can teach me something about life or about myself.

  3. Every experience of life teaches us something..

  4. Yes, it's all about learning. Good post.

  5. Hi Just passin in again.. have lurked before..but never commented...I dont think...sorry..actually I cant remember...LOL. I will be by to catch up...if ya dont mind.

  6. Hi, JYankee! It's nice to have you visit. Feel free to lurk, and if you want to leave comments it's good too.

    I have lurked on your site a little as well, I do need to catch up.

  7. I, too, can always deal with the truth of relationships better than the not knowing. I thought you were incredibly creative in hanging him by his own rope. It was a good way to bring closure for you, since the facts were so obvious. Definitely not a sentimental ending that time, but a solid one. You rock!