Every day I get these reports that show how many visitors and page views my blog gets. For a while now I have been watching my stats dwindle due to lack of posting and not participating in the weekly writing projects I frequently partook of in the past. I have never had much readers, but there was a time when I got between 30 and 45 readers daily. Nowadays I am lucky if I get 7 or 8. I am still not sure how I feel about it.
Yesterday I saw a goodbye post from somebody whose blog I used to love. She had not been active since December, and yesterday she wrote to say goodbye.
Ebb and flow. Peaks and valleys. Is that it? Am I stuck in the valley with nowhere to go? Is this a phase as I suspected before from looking at the previous year's trending? Or has blogging lost its appeal to me?
For years I have had an uneasy relationship with writing. When I was in college I was an avid writer. Then I lost the drive, the fire inside, and I have never been able to recover it. For years I chastised myself. I used to think I should be writing. I would ask myself, why am I not doing it? Am I lazy? Do I not have anything to say?
I don't consider myself a writer anymore, not in the literary sense. But I used to love blogging. And now I feel like the well is dry. Is this just a phase or have I run out of words? I really don't know. All I know is that my heart is not in it right now.