Thursday, August 28, 2008


This reminds me of how I have lost weight.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


Since Monday, I have started four posts that did not come to fruition. It has been a somewhat strange week for me so far. Not only did Paula start a new school year, but I am back in the office after three weeks working from home. It is taking some adjusting to get back to a comfortable morning routine. I simply have not had enough time to do what I need to do before leaving the house.

Also, I have gone to the gym alone Monday and Tuesday, and may have to go alone again tonight. Gabriel is sick, battling a chest cold since Sunday night, and he just doesn't feel up to exercise at this moment. I can't skip the gym, so I have gone without him. But the last couple of nights I have felt lonely.

Monday, August 25, 2008

You gotta eat

Today was Paula's first day of school. It is also my first day back physically in the office since August 1st. I was very busy in the morning, and did not have my coffee until more than an hour after my normal time. I also did not have breakfast in time, and wound up packing my breakfast to eat at the office. I got pretty busy upon my arrival, and did not realize I had forgotten to eat breakfast until way past 9:30 AM, when I started to feel lightheaded, hot in the face, and getting blurred vision. A quick blood glucose check showed 165. Damn it! Since then I had my breakfast, followed by a snack sometime later. Now it's 12:40 AM and I am eating my lunch. The blood sugar level has normalized, but my vision is still a bit blurred.

The lesson today is, eat my meals at regular times with no exceptions. Do not skip them, do not delay them. Another lesson, skipping a meal can actually make my blood sugar go up, instead of down.

Based on my experience today as well as last week, I am starting to wonder if my decision to not take Metformin was well-intentioned, but misguided. Maybe I need to start looking at myself as a diabetic, not a prediabetic. I called my doctor's office to ask when is my next appointment, because I need to talk to her about this.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Friday Photos - Dinner

We had Tandoori chicken kabobs for dinner. They were delicious.


Last night my blood sugar was high after exercise, around 148. It is the first time this happens since I changed my diet and started monitoring my blood sugar. Usually it is the other way around. I did not know what to make of it.

Not coincidentally, I was crabby as hell last night. After getting home from the Y, the girls were getting on my nerves. Actually, it was not just the girls. I had sensory overload. Every loud noise, bright light, and fast movement proved overwhelming. Clutter and misplaced things drove me to the edge. Isabel was jumping on the bed, and her knee landed on my ankle (pretty painful, I tell you). That was enough to make me scream like a banshee. I lost my temper, and afterwards felt spent.

In the morning, my blood sugar was still high at 134. This is baffling to me. The only thing I can think of is that yesterday I ate bread twice. In the morning I made an egg sandwich for breakfast, and for dinner I ate a quick grill cheese sandwich right before leaving for the Y. The bread is not made of wheat. It's a whole grain bread made of millet and flax. Still, based on my glucose levels, it seems like bread is something I really need to be careful about.

Of course, it could turn out that something completely different has caused the spike. I am still very new at the whole monitoring thing, and do not have enough data yet to build a profile over time. I don't know how my reproductive cycle may affect my blood sugar, for example. I do not know if lack of sleep or bodily pain can affect my blood sugar levels. I do not know the precise effects of exercise on me yet. I have read that sometimes your blood sugar can actually rise after certain types of exercise (such as lifting weights) or if you do not exercise vigorously enough to burn the increased glucose that your liver is making.

In any case, today I have not consumed any bread, and the only carbs have come from fruit (a banana), the milk in my morning coffee and a cheese stick I ate as a snack. For lunch I stuck to protein and veggies, and I intend to do the same for dinner (we are having Tandoori chicken kabobs).

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Wednesday evening

I made some baked Tilapia for dinner, with a jalapeño sauce, served over whole wheat couscous and with a baby spinach salad on the side.

At least that is what I ate. Paula had french fries with her fish, and refused to have anything to do with the couscous. Isabel ate an apple, some whole wheat rotini noodles with cheese, and a bit of fries with ketchup.

Gabe is not home yet, but I saved him a plate of fish.

My jeans are getting too big for me, I have to wear a belt or they will fall. They were a bit roomy to begin with, but I guess my belly has gone down enough to make them entirely too big. If I keep going this way, in a few weeks I may need to buy new clothes. It's an exciting prospect, although I hate shopping for clothes.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Llueve, detrás de los cristales llueve y llueve

It has been raining today. As I work at my dining room table I can see the raindrops roll down the glass windows. I could not help but remember the song "Balada de Otoño" by Joan Manuel Serrat. I will always love Joan Manuel Serrat. This is one of my favorite songs. I have listened to this song since I was too young to remember.

Sometimes I wonder if I would have turned out different, less prone to sadness, if the music I listened to growing up was of a different mood. There was such delicious melancholy in most of what my mom listened to, and it has definitely informed my aesthetic.

I am making tea with herbs from my garden (peppermint and stevia) plus a stick of cinammon. I love the smell. I am experimenting with things that can help lower my blood sugar or keep it in check. Yesterday I did not exercise (I reluctantly let my body rest), and my fasting blood sugar this morning was higher than average.

Monday, August 18, 2008

The Walk

This is somehow appropriate, based on my mood today.

The Walk, by Imogen Heap

Inside-out, upside-down,
Twisting beside myself.
Stop that now,
'Cause you and I were never meant to be.
I think you'd better leave.
It's not safe in here.
I feel a weakness coming on.

Alright then, (alright then.)
I could keep your number for a rainy day.
That's where this ends.
No mistakes no misbehaving.
I was doing so well.
Could we just be friends?
I feel a weakness coming on.

It's not meant to be like this.
Not what I planned at all.
I don't want to feel like this.
No it's not meant to be like this.
Not what I planned at all.
I don't want to feel like this.
So that makes it all your fault.

Inside-out, upside-down,
Twisting beside myself.
Stop that now.
You're as close as it gets
Without touching me.
Oh now don't make it harder
Than it already is.
I feel a weakness coming on.

It's not meant to be like this.
Not what I planned at all.
I don't want to feel like this.
No it's not meant to be like this.
Not what I planned at all.
I don't want to feel like this.
So that makes it all your fault.

Big trouble losing control.
Primary resistance at a critical low.
on the double gotta get a hold.
Point of no return one second to go.

No response on any level,
Red-alert this vessel's under seige.
Total overload all systems down they've got control.
There's no way out.
We are surrounded.
Give in, give in and relish every minute of it.

Freeze, awake here forever.
I feel a weakness coming on.

It’s not meant to be like this,
Not what I planned at all.
I don’t want to feel like this.
No it’s not meant to be like this,
It's just what I don't need.
Why make me feel like this?
It's definitely all your fault.

Feel like this la la la la la la la la
It’s all your fault (feel like this) la la la la la la la la
It’s all your fault (feel like this) la la la la la la la la
It’s all your fault (feel like this) la la la la la la la la
It’s all your fault.


Yesterday wasn't a good day for me.

On Saturday I pushed myself when doing my walk/run. I did more running than I usually do, and I went longer than usual too. As a result, yesterday my legs felt very tired and sore. Instead of taking a break for a day, which in hindsight I can see I needed, I insisted on going for a walk/run yesterday. Gabe was downstairs doing weights, and I was at the indoor track with the girls. I could hardly walk, much less run. But I tried. Thankfully, my heel pain actually eased up as I walked. However, I ended up with searing pain in the front of my right leg, below the knee. It was so intense I had to stop my walk short, and I struggled to make my way down the stairs. Gabe told me it was most likely a shin splint.

Once we were back in the car I just lost it. First my back and now this? I have already lost my sit ups due to the back injury. I can't lose my walk/run. What am I going to do if I can't walk or run anymore? The exercise is one of the elements keeping my blood sugar in check. I need it.

I was so frustrated, so scared of losing everything that I am fighting so hard to achieve, that I exploded in tears. Gabe reassured me that I was not going to lose anything, I just needed to listen to my body and take a break now and then so I can recover. I hope he is right.

I was very cranky the rest of the day. My usually low patience levels were even lower. And when my in-laws came for Sunday dinner, I misbehaved and ate a lot of bread, plus had a big serving of bread pudding with caramel sauce on top, and a glass of wine. The dinner, save for those two items, was actually a healthy, sensible one. I made some eggplant parmigiana, lightly breading and baking the eggplant in the oven (instead of frying) and serving it with whole wheat pasta and marinara sauce. We also had some baby spinach on the side.

I paid for my sins. In the evening, almost three hours after we ate dinner, my blood sugar was at 163. In the morning, my fasting sugar was 119. These are the highest values I have had in a very long time.

Today I feel quite uneasy. I am still moody and prone to tears. I am on a very tight deadline at work and I am finding it hard to get going. I am scared of regressing, and at the same time I am flirting with the idea of just throwing the towel and saying the hell with it, where's the candy?

Friday, August 15, 2008

The Great Automatic Procrastinator

That's me. Put off, put off, put off things until the water is up to my neck.

I have been stressed the last few days. I am in a learning curve at work right now, and I am always nervous when I am thrown out of my comfort zone. When I am not quite sure how to do something, I just put it off, hoping it will either magically get it done or it disappears. That is never the case, so I always end up in a rush to the finish.

With the stress comes a breakdown in my mood. I have been doing so well. I have been so even keeled it has surprised even me. I was crediting my life changes for that. Now it's obvious my life has not changed that much. A lack of stress was driving the improved mood. Now the pressure is on again, and I am starting to crack.

I don't like the implications of this line of thinking.

Thursday, August 14, 2008


My back is better this morning. It's still sore, and tender to the touch, but thankfully I am not writhing in pain when I breathe. Gabe gave me a back massage last night and I guess it worked. But I am going to stay away from the weight machines and the fitness ball until the pain is totally gone. I will just have to walk/run every day, instead of 4 times a week.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Not so great day

I am not having a good morning. Monday night I seem to have injured my back doing core exercises on the fitness ball. Yesterday I was a bit sore on the left side of my back, and it bothered me no more than muscular spams I have had in the past. But this morning! I have woken up with excruciating pain in the middle of my back. It hurts to breathe, especially to take deep breaths.

I have just taken some Advil, and let my boss know I am hurt and may have to take it slow this morning. I should probably put some ice on my back.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

A good afternoon laugh

Click here to see The Guardian turn President Bush's trip to the Olympics into a LOLCats series!

Friday, August 08, 2008

Friday Photo- Self Portrait


I find myself struggling to find something to write about. Since this is a personal blog and not a cultural, media or gossip one, I do not tend to have a supply of new topics to write about every day.

When there are no sudden developments, when there is no drama, when my mood is balanced, when I am not facing any crisis, it can be hard to find something to write about.

This week has been fairly ordinary. Since Paula is back, I have worked from home every day. I never thought I would say it, but I miss going to the office. I miss the daytime interaction with other adults, the drive to campus, the walk from the parking garage to my cubicle.

We went walking last night. I did not try to run because my heel is still tender. It was a good call and today the discomfort is not as marked as it would have been if I had run. I did try to walk briskly, to get my heart rate up as much as I could.

I have not told my doctor, but I have decided I will not take the Metformin or the birth control pills. I am absolutely convinced that a change in my diet and eating habits (and the weight loss that will eventually come with that) will help me get both my blood sugar and my hormones under control. I already know my blood sugar levels are back to a normal range. It remains to be seen if my female hormone levels will normalize, but I am hopeful. My last cycle came and went without any of the extreme symptoms that tend to accompany it. I still got bloated and a bit emotional, and I still had trouble falling asleep some days, but it was nowhere near the extremes I had seen the last few months.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008


I am old and sore and achy all over. After a long, long hiatus, Monday night we used the weight training machines at the Y. That was enough in itself, but then last night I overdid it at the track. I am trying to do intervals (jogging for a set distance, then walking the same distance, then jogging again, etc.), and I think I ran too much, too hard. My heel is killing me, and Gabe insists that I need to see a doctor for that. I resist, because I do not want to be told I can't walk or try to run anymore.

I weighed myself again today. I can now say with pride that I am officially 10 lbs. lighter than I was when I first visited my doctor back in June. Unfortunately, that puts me back in the same weight I was back in November, when I had a health checkup for insurance purposes. At this point I am still about 45 lbs. away from my goal weight (a generous 170 lbs. for my 5'9" frame).

So, looking only at the scale, what I have done so far is undo the damage done during the holidays. That is a bit frustrating. I have to take my eye off the scale and focus on all the other benefits of this change.