Tests

Yeaterday I had my appointment for follow up tests as a result of my mammogram.

I saw the purported abnormal densities that showed up in the original test. There they were, two dark spots on one breast, one in the other. I was scheduled to have a spot compression and a breast ultrasound. Luckily, the spot compression test cleared any concerns over the so-called densities, and I was told by the radiologist to go home, that there was no need to do the ultrasound. I expect that my doctor will get the results either today or tomorrow.

Instead of a celebratory post, this is a bittersweet one. While I am very happy and relieved by my results, last night I found out that one of my "mommy board" friends, Suzy, was diagnosed with breast cancer yesterday. She will undergo surgery and lose one of her breasts. She will also have to take three courses of chemo. My heart goes out to her, for she is about to embark in the fight of her life.

My mother survived breast cancer. I am hopeful that Suzy will come out on top of this too.

An ordinary life

I have not been inspired to write lately. I have been quite busy with work and daily life, and I have not found much time to either blog or read my favorite blogs.

We continue with our efforts to lead a healthier life. We are eating veggies and fruit everyday. We are eating breakfast and small snacks. Our dinners have gotten smaller and we are not snacking uncontrollably in the evening. We are buying organic whenever we can, and we are avoiding ready-made foods as much as possible. We are also walking at least four times a week. We are bringing a lunch bag to work every day and have not eaten out in a long time, other than the ocassional skinny latte from Starbucks. I don't miss it.

Other than my heel pain, I have been feeling pretty good about all this. Every time I check my blood sugar, it is within the normal range. I feel calmer and more energized. I am excited for what the future holds for us if we continue on this track.

Friday Photos: Food

Bird food, that is.

Ugh

Every time the phone rings and my caller ID says it's my doctor's office, I cringe a little.

I had a mammogram on Wednesday. Because it is my first, and they are trying to establish a baseline, I was warned that I may get called back for more images or different tests, but that it does not necessarily mean they have found something wrong.

So when I got the call yesterday afternoon, I was calm and collected. I understood. But shortly after I hung up, fear and worry started to creep up.

"Abnormal densities" is not a phrase you want to hear uttered in reference to your breasts.

So now I have two more tests I have to make, an ultrasound and something about spot compression.

I called my mom almost in tears. She told me not to worry, that sometimes if your breast tissue is dense it makes it hard for them to search for possible cancer, so they like to do more tests to understand what is there. She had to do this years ago, because she was told one of her breasts was dense. And it wasn't even the one where she ended up developing cancer. She reassured me everything will be alright. But will it? Am I worrying too much, should I just chill out?

My mortality, the fragility of my body, are painfully obvious these days. I am only 39, yet I feel so old. I am 55 lbs. overweight and it's hard to lose the excess pounds. I am pre-diabetic, my estrogen levels are on the floor and my damn heel hurts all the time. I am trying to make changes, to eat right and to exercise. But is it too little, too late? Am I doomed? Should I even bother?

Stage Fright

I am nervous this morning. I have a big presentation this afternoon.

I always get apprehensive when I have to speak in public, especially when it is in front of the big bosses. And the review is about a big issue that we have been working on for months, one that has a lot of visibility and about which there are strong, conflicting positions by two groups.

I can't shake the feeling that, no matter how fair and diplomatic I am, I will end up pissing off someone. Not much I can do about that, other than accept it.

The Quiet

The last few days, I have felt strangely quiet, both at work and at home.

Thanks to everybody for the encouraging comments and well wishes I have received the last few days, both on my previous post and via e-mail/IM.

It feels better to know there is something concrete causing my symptoms (low hormone levels), but in the end there may not be a definitive explanation as to what causes this drop. My doctor had mentioned that more and more they see cases like mine and it could be related to our diet, environmental conditions, etc.

I do not know the results of my ultrasound yet. Yesterday I met with a dietician. I had requested a referral from my doctor because I needed a human being to advise and coach me through these changes we need to make. It is not easy. It will require effort and to learn again what is right versus what we do.

The dietician was smart and suggested we start small, with only three major goals. She left me to choose two of them and she suggested the third one.

First, I picked "having breakfast every day." She stressed the importance of having breakfast. This is something I have heard before, but it is something I have never been able to consistently do. My goal now is to ensure I have breakfast every day. I am also supposed to have snacks during the day. This should eliminate some of the compulsive nibbling I do at night, which according to the dietician is my body's way of preparing for starvation in the morning.

The second goal is to learn what are proper portion sizes, and adjust my eating to fit this. Living in Texas, the land where everything is ginormous, it can be quite an eye opener when you realize what a normal portion size should be. She gave me some great suggestions about keeping shelfs in the fridge and cupboards with snacks in the right portion sizes, something we can all reach for easily.

Last, she wants me (and Gabe) to keep a diary of what we eat. This may be the hardest one. I have tried doing this in the past, with certain online tools. I have never been able to stick with it, partly because they were all about calorie counting. The dietician said not to focus on calories, or on how foods are cooked. My focus should be in my major goals and nothing else.

I am cautiously optimistic. This is not the first time I have attempted to change my eating habits. Wish me luck, my friends.

Just another day

I woke up with a dull headache. Must have coffee.

Ever since I came back from my doctor's appointment, I have been concerned. I haven't had much time to dwell on it, but I am a bit concerned.

I know now why I feel the way I do. It is not my thyroid. All the thyroid tests came back normal. But my estradiol levels are low, very low. I do not know why. The doctor wants me to take birth control pills to regulate my hormone levels. But first she wants me to do a pelvic ultrasound, because I complained of pelvic pain during my checkup. I go for this today.

I wonder if they will find something, and if they do, what it will be. I am a little apprehensive today.

Day from hell

It's been an awful day. I had intended to take the day off, so I could go to my doctor's appointment and do any follow up tests she ordered. Fat chance. I was at the doctor's office when the phone rang. It was work. Fires to put out. Drama. I am so tired. If it wasn't for the salary and benefits, I would have walked out on the job today.

Domestic Saturday (Maybe)

I woke up around 9:30 AM, after going to be around 1:00 AM. Gabriel and Isabel are still asleep. Left to their own devices, those two could sleep until 1:00 PM. Like father, like daughter.

Of course, as soon as I wrote that line, the door to our bedroom opened and Gabriel came out. Way to shut me up.

I may continue this weekend with my domestic pursuits. Last weekend I finished the living/family room and got all toys out of there. This weekend I may tackle our front room (library/office), which is looking pretty cluttered and shabby right now. It is the first room you see when you come into my house, and right now it is full of leftover storage boxes, mountains of paper and toys, tons of toys. It's a big project, so I do not think I will have it ready in one weekend, but one has to start somewhere.

We also want to go to the movies this weekend. Hellboy II is playing.

Blah Thursday

I had a hard time waking up this morning. I am feeling well beyond tired. I am quite moody (last night I was so angry). The dry eyes/blurred vision is not going away anytime soon, and to the list of symptoms you may add complete brain fog.