Isabel is napping. Gabe is watching the end of a movie while his laundry is in the washer. I helped Paula pack her stuff, and I am slacking off on mine.
Something is bothering me more than I would like. I keep telling myself to not take it personally, but of course I do. There's this blog that I had been reading lately. I found it through another blog and I had been visiting for a week or a little over that. It's written by someone who is vastly different from me in terms of life experience, and yet I found some universal truths in what was being written, some touchpoints in terms of lives afflicted by a loved one's dysfunction. On a few ocassions I left comments, mostly friendly ones to try to establish some rapport. They were never acknowledged. Still, I did not think much of it because I don't respond to every comment left on my blog and that does not mean I do not appreciate them.
Well, this blog writer announced recently that there is a change in the blog and going forward it will be by invitation only, and those who wanted access should write the blogger. So I wrote and asked for a password. It's been a couple of days and I received no answer and no access. I thought that maybe the problem was I provided my hotmail e-mail address, as opposed to my gmail address, which is tied to my Blogger account. So I wrote the blogger again and provided the gmail address. Again, no answer and no access.
This blogger doesn't really know who the hell I am, after all, other than a few celebratory comments I had left, so it is not surprising if I don't get access. Still, while I am fully aware that it is the blogger's prerrogative to grant me access or not if they so choose, I have to admit that my feelings are a little hurt. This situation has made me feel pathetic and stupid, the way I felt when I was in school and the cool kids snubbed me. So what is it about me? Why did this blogger not like me enough?
I am pretty friendly, but also very proud. I don't like to be where I am not wanted, and I do not go around whining to people and begging for friendship. If anything, I tend to keep people at arms length for a while until I feel comfortable enough to let my guard down. Which is all the more reason why I am so mortified by this. I mean, I put myself out there not once, but twice and my messages were not even acknowledged by the blogger. I am not as bothered by not being able to read the blog as I am by being left out. Whatever.
Truly bizarre... not sure I understand why someone wouldn't want their once public bloag read?
ReplyDeleteEh. There are plenty more out there far more worthy of your attention.... :)
I think there was a troll around, the blogger must have been sick and tired of troublemakers. I guess going private kept the troll out, and the boring people to boot.
ReplyDeleteUgh...that would have hurt my feelings too, Ingrid...
ReplyDeleteLots of hugs to you! Keep in mind that this person - just as you said - doesn't know you, and therefore doesn't know what she's missing by not letting you into her blog and her life. None of us who DO know you would make that mistake!
That is puzzling! I don't know if this makes you feel any better, but my feelings would very much be hurt, too. I mean, you took the time to put yourself out there, and to receive no response at all? Yeah, it would bug me, too.
ReplyDeleteThanks, girls, for validating my feelings and lifting me up. I wasn't sure if I was being too sensitive.
ReplyDeleteMe ha sucedido lo mismo varias veces, no se porque la gente hace privados sus blogs. Yo leia varios blogs con los que me sentia identificada y de un momento a otro los hicieron privados. Cosa de la gente... espero que tu no hagas lo mismo!!!! es broma :D
ReplyDeleteIlu
My feelings would've been hurt too. Like you I keep people at a distance, and when I do try to reach out, and it's not accepted, I get very hurt. She should've at the very least acknowledged your request, even if she denied it.
ReplyDeleteThat is truly disheartening. You're ALWAYS welcome to read my blog!
ReplyDeleteoh my yes...that would bother me. I do not think you are at all being over sensitive.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I usually second guess myself and how senstive I am being also, so am not sure I am a fair judge.
I hate that I usually assume that it is all about me. I hate when I always jump to the conclusion that I have done something.
Maybe this blogger is really limiting her readers to her friends and family. It quite possibly isn't you at all.
many hugs Ingrid.
I completely understand. There are blogs that I frequent and comment on daily, sometimes I get upset if their authors don't comment on my blog for weeks. I go out of my way to leave comments for people and get hurt when others don't do the same sometimes.
ReplyDelete¡Ellos se lo pierden! De mejores blogs me han botado, ja, ja. Es broma. Pero, ¿qué se le va a hacer? Probablemente quiera el blog sólo para sus amigos y familiares. Anímate, el tuyo es fenomenal.
ReplyDeleteEnid
Oouch, I would also feel just like you, Ingrid - rejected and wondering "what's wrong with me". My guess is this person was going private to avoid a troublemaker (at times I've been tempted) or maybe they want to share something very personal with just a few long-time friends. Try not to let it bother you, the rest of us are glad you stop by OUR blogs!!
ReplyDeleteThe comments you left on my blog were great - so I would say it was that blogger's loss not yours. Sometimes we assign to much value to others estimation of ourselves. And if 5 people are complimenting us and one dissing us we'll always pay more attention to that one.
ReplyDeleteThen again maybe that blogger is taking a leave or maybe they are making face changes to their blog. Could be a million reasons.
Thanks, Magus. I like to think of myself as someone who is very self-assured, but then something like this happens and I realize I depend too much on outside validation.
ReplyDelete